You Might Be An Engineer If…

If your wife hasn’t the foggiest idea what you do at work
If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
If you wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa)
If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
IF THE ONLY JOKES YOU RECEIVE ARE THROUGH E-MAIL
If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX2-50
If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal
point in the right place
If your idea of a “good read” is the Edmund Scientific Catalog
If you can’t fit any more colored pens in your shirt pocket
If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids’ toys
If you use a CAD package to design your son’s Pine Wood Derby car
If your favorite actor is R2-D2
If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than
hanging coats and taping ducts
If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find
the burnt-out bulb in the string
If you drive a Gremlin with a “Beam Me Up Scotty” bumper sticker
If you have “Dilbert” comics displayed anywhere in your work area
If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that
actually takes five minutes to run
If you are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener
and your camera’s flash attachment
If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
If you spend more time on the Comdex floor than in the hospitality suites
If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush
If you own “Official Star Trek” anything
If you have ever debated who was a better: Captain Kirk or Picard
If your favorite character on Gilligan’s Island was “The Professor”
If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what’s inside
If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on
the radio in your work area for better reception
If you thought the concoction ET used to phone home was stupid
If you just don’t have the heart to throw away the 100-in-1 electronics kit
you got for your ninth birthday
If you think Sales and Marketing are Satan’s children
If you have never backed-up your hard drive
If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games,
but are afraid to say it out loud
If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance “as-is”
If you see a good design and still have to change it
If the salespeople at Circuit City can’t answer any of your questions
If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
If you think of the gadgets in your office as “friends,” but you forget to
send your father a birthday card
If you disdain people who use low baud rates
If, when you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson
talking with customers and you butt in to correct him and spend the next
twenty minutes answering the customers’ questions, while the salesperson
stands by silently, nodding his head
If, on vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages
faster than someone else who is reading a John Grisham novel
If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your
mind
If you are able to argue persuasively that Ross Perot’s phrase “electronic
town hall” makes more sense than the term “information superhighway,”
but you don’t because, after all, the man still uses hand drawn pie
charts
If you would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon
If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile
tires
If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own
turns bread into charcoal
If you need a checklist to turn on the TV
If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name
If your wife thinks your taste in ties is bizarre
If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
If you carry a list for everything except the groceries
If you are always late to meetings
If you think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory
If you rearrange the dishwasher to maximize the packing factor
If you go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to
see how they do the special effects
If you find yourself at the airport on your vacation studying the baggage
handling equipment
If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
If you have memorized the program schedule for the discovery channel and
have seen most of the shows already
If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN
stands for
If in college you thought spring break was a metal fatigue failure
If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family’s first color TV with
a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up
thinking that was normal
If you have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you
got married
If you are at an airshow and know how fast the skydivers are falling
If your favorite place in San Francisco is the Exploratorium
If your internet bill is larger than your long distance charges
If you can type 70 words a minute but can’t read your own handwriting
If people groan at the party when you pick out the music
If you ever forgot to get a haircut…for 6 months
If your girlfriend says the way you dress is no reflection on her
If your favorite James Bond character is “Q”, the guy who makes the
gadgets
If you thought the real heroes of “Apollo 13” were the mission controllers
If you rooted for HAL, the computer in 2001, a Space Odyssey
If your dress clothes come from Sears or Ross
If you think your computer looks better without the cover
If you think that when people around you yawn, it’s because they didn’t
get enough sleep
If you bought your wife a new CD-Rom for her anniversary
If you spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring
If you are wine tasting and find yourself paying more attention to the
cork screws than the ’84 Chardonnay
If you talk about trellis code modulation at parties
If your favorite television show is New Yankee Workshop
If your kids refer to you as The Man Who Sleeps With Mommie
If you know what http:// stands for
If your wardrobe looks like you shop at Goodwill Industries
If you’ve ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio
If you bought your wife’s valentine gift at Orchard Supply
If you can’t write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines
If you are still drinking Mr Pibb
If you know the altitude limits for turning on and off electronic
equipment on commercial flights
If you order pizza over the internet and pay for it through your home
banking software
If you’re in the back seat of your car, she’s looking wistfully at the
moon, and you’re trying to locate a geo-synchronous satellite
If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain
the atmospheric absorption theory
If everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery,
and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room
If you remember half a dozen passwords and your ten digit Compuserve
address, but you have to call your niece “kiddo”
If you can understand anything Al Gore says
If you’ve already calculated how much you make per second
If you do Darth Vader or Battlestar Gallactica impersonations by talking
into a spinning fan
If your lap-top computer costs more than your car
If you walk around with your hands in your two front pockets 99% of the
time
If all your sentences begin with “What if”
If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate
If you talk about the high resolution and picture-in-picture capability of
your big screen TV while everybody is watching the Super Bowl
If you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel
If you are next in line, on death row, in a French prison and you find
that the guillotine is not working properly so you offer to fix it
If the blinking 12:00 on someone’s VCR draws you in like a tractor beam to
fix it
If buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade
your RAM is a moral dilemma

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