White Trash

  1. You’ve spray painted your girlfriend’s name on an overpass.
  2. You consider a six-pack and a bug zapper quality entertainment.
  3. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
  4. When someone asks to see your I.D. you show your belt buckle.
  5. Your Junior and Senior Proms had a day care.
  6. Your mother does not remove the Marlboro Light from her lips before telling the State Patrolman to kiss her ass.
  7. You’ve used lard in bed.
  8. The primary color of your car is “Bondo.”
  9. The directions to your house include “turn off the paved road.”
  10. Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
  11. Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.
  12. You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
  13. You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
  14. Jack Daniel makes your list of “most admired Americans.”
  15. Your wife’s hairdo has been ruined by a ceiling fan.
  16. You see no need for a rest stop because there’s an empty milk jug in the car.
  17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
  18. Your dog can’t watch you eat without gagging.
  19. You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side front window of your car.
  20. You barbecue Spam.
  21. You often have to scratch your sister’s name from the message “For a good time call _______.”
  22. Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
  23. Red Man Tobacco sends you a Christmas card.
  24. You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you were at work.
  25. Your dad walks you to school because you’re both in the same grade.
  26. Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
  27. You view the upcoming family reunion as a chance to meet girls.
  28. You prominently display the souvenir you got at Graceland.
  29. Your house doesn’t have curtains, unlike your truck.
  30. When your front porch collapses, three or more dogs die.
  31. You’ve signed a petition to change the national anthem to “Nothing Could Be Finer Than to Be in Carolina.”
  32. You call the boss “Dude.”
  33. You think “Volvo” is part of a woman’s anatomy.
  34. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
  35. You’ve been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
  36. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at “The House of Tattoos.”
  37. Your father encouraged you to quit school because Larry had an opening on the lube rack.
  38. You need an estimate from the barber before you get a haircut.
  39. After making love you ask your date to roll down the window.
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