Where has All the Humour Gone?

Following the recent announcement that all available humour has been used, and is now being recycled, a very unexpected reaction has occurred in Congress. Responding to a flood of calls and letters,, members of both houses of Congress have come together to attempt to resolve the problem. In a rare show of bipartisan cooperation, a majority of Senators and Representatives signed a letter to the President asking him to release some of the US strategic reserves of humour.

It is a little known fact, but the United States keeps a large reserve of humour, in a manner similar to that in which oil reserves are stored. Located in abandoned salt caves buried deep in Louisiana, the humour is stored for times of national emergency and general unhappiness.

Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, in a statement made during a press conference to announce the letter stated: “The American people have spoken. The vast majority of the comments we have all received have been from people who are tired of hearing the same jokes over and over again. Granted, there are some that are true classics, and one never grows tired of hearing them, but too many are marginal the first time one hears them, and they do not get any better with time. I would urge Mr Clinton to act swiftly, and to release some of the humour that has been stored away for years. It is in the best interest of the country to do so.”

Providing counter point, Alan Greenspan, Chairman of the Federal Reserve, responded. “Few know this, but one of my duties as Fed chairman is to be the honorary Commissioner of Comedy. It is my belief that there is sufficient humour in the economy, and that an infusion of additional humor could lead to comedy inflation. currently, we now enjoy the lowest rate of comedy inflation in 30 years, and the Humour Retention Index HRI) is at the lowest that it has ever been. Just look at Al Gore. His HRI is so low that after he hears a joke, he forgets it before it reaches his brain. Releasing humour reserves at this time is ill- advised.”

When asked for comment, Al Gore responded ” What’s a joke? What’s a brain?”

All of the arguments were made moot when it was reported by the FBI that the humour reserves had all disappeared. During an unrelated investigation, the FBI had received information that there might be an attempt made to obtain American humour by the Chinese, and when a check was made of the vaults, they were empty. Addressing a Senate Investigating Committee, Attorney General Janet Reno stated: “Our investigation initially centred on the Chinese government, but we quickly exonerated them. Our investigation found that the humour in the strategic reserves had been secretly removed by President Clinton, and sold to the Indonesians. For a donation of $25,000 and a pair of jogging shoes, Indonesian nationals were given a night in the Lincoln bedroom and all of the humour that they could remember. Evidently, this went on for some time. We finally got a break when one of our agents made the connection with large numbers of laughing Indonesians found in the vicinity of the White house, not wearing shoes, and carrying arm-loads of towels monogrammed with ‘LB’. “

A white House spokesman read a statement from Mr Clinton. “I don’t see anything illegal or improper about telling a few jokes to the gardener or cook. If he wants to give me the shoes off his feet, who am I to turn down a friendly gesture like that. And if that same cook or gardener wants to donate $25,000 to my campaign, he has every right to do so. As for the Lincoln bedroom, these people have to sleep somewhere, and the Lincoln bedroom is not for sale. However, renting it for the night is not out of the question.”

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