Everyone who has a dog names him “Rover” or “Spot“. I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, “Me too.” Then I said, “But this is a dog.” He said he didn’t care what she looked like. Then I said, “But you don’t understand …. I have had Sex since I was nine years old.” He said I must have been quite a strong boy.
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, “But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex.” He said he didn’t want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said every room in the place was for sex. I said, “You don’t understand…. Sex keeps me awake at night.” The clerk said, “Me too.”
One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition could begin, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told her I planned to have Sex in the contest. She told me I should have sold my tickets. “But you don’t understand,” I said. “I had hoped to have Sex on TV.” She called me a show-off.
When my wife and I seperated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married.” The Judge said, “Me too.” Then I told him that it was after I was married Sex left me. He said, “Me too.”
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, “What are doing in this alley at 4 o’clock in the morning?” I said, “I’m looking for Sex.”
My case comes up next Friday . . . . .
Well, now I’ve been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, “what seems to be the trouble?“. I replied, “Sex has been my best friend all my life but now that it has left me for ever, I couldn’t live any longer I’m so lonely.” And the doctor said, “Look mister, you should understand that sex isn’t a man’s best friend so get yourself a dog.”