Top Ten Signs That It Is Too Damn Cold

  1. People buying hot roasted chestnuts to put in their pants
  2. Dan and Connie doing the news huddled together in a sleeping bag
  3. Mob corpses seen skidding across the East River
  4. Times Square strip clubs advertising “Live Heavily-Dressed Girls!”
  5. Mario Cuomo making a fortune shovelling walks
  6. Vendors selling down-filled hot dogs
  7. This morning, Triple-A had to jump-start Andrew Giuliani
  8. People coming into Ed Sullivan Theatre just to get warm
  9. Instead of the finger, New Yorkers giving each other the mitten
  10. Cabbies wearing flannel turbans
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