Top 10 Ways America would be Different with Bill Gates as President
10. Millions of taxpaying nerds would line up outside post offices around
the country at 12:01 a.m, on January 1st to be the first ones to mail in
their 1040 forms to pay for America ’97.
9. Crime would be eliminated. Instead, criminal acts would be renamed
“General Public Faults” with no one having to accept any responsibility for
8. Government policies that are bloated, difficult to implement and manage,
and simply unable to function for many people under certain circumstances
would be hailed by the national press as “forward thinking” and the “next
generation” in government service.
7. No reason to worry about the leader of the western world becoming
embroiled in an embarrassing sex scandal. Absolutely no reason.
6. By executive order, the letters “O” and “S” and the number “2”
could *never* be the sponsors of “Sesame Street” on PBS.
5. Crisis intervention hotlines would be converted to 900 numbers with
pay-by-the-minute support (major credit cards accepted) and staffed by
well-meaning people who haven’t got a clue.
4. SPA auditors replaced by the auditor candidates rejected by the IRS as
being “too bloodthirsty” and “without compassion.”
3. U.S. Treasury bonds would suddenly escalate in value and continue to
grow in spite of market conditions, contrary to all known economic laws and
to the bewilderment of experts.
2. Emerging democracies around the world would be systematically,
surreptitiously, and relentlessly bullied into submission by unfair trading
practices and then annexed by the U.S. for next to nothing.
1. “Whitewater”? Get ready for “white skin”!