Top 10 Things You Can Do At A Public Restroom

  • Write a novel and have the person in the next stall proofread it
  • Perform the Fart Sonata in F minor and ask others for accompaniment
  • Pretend to masturbate and squirt Jergens hand lotion over the partition into the next stall
  • Aim your piss stream so that it bounces in the half-inch space between the partition and the wall; hitting the person in the back of the head.
  • Unroll the toilet paper and put the end into the toilet so that it unrolls when you flush
  • Take a two-liter bottle of water in, slowly let it out into the toilet, and announce, “I’ll never eat at (restaurant) again”
  • Start worshipping “The Porcelain God”
  • Take a stall that’s already being occupied
  • Hit on the person in the stall next to you
  • Two words: group sing-a-long
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