Top 10 Things Independent Persecutor Kenneth Starr Found Out In His Investigation

  1. Al Gore actually cannot move at all because his hair is a nest for endangered hummingbirds
  2. Vernon Jordan is actually a Wesley Snipes stunt double
  3. Ken will never be as popular as Ed Muskie
  4. James McDougal was killed by short-wavelength radiation from UN Black Helicopters
  5. Linda Tripp is actually Woody Allen in disguise
  6. Bill & Monica were just playing “Swallow The Leader”
  7. Hillary is thinking of changing her name to “Hillary Rodman Clinton”
  8. Whitewater was actually a set-up by jealous half-brother Roger Clinton
  9. Janet Reno is secretly taking Viagra
  10. He realized that he’d find “The Real Killers” before he found Vince Foster’s killer

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