Top 10 Strange Things About The O.J. Trial

  1. O.J. had to be acquitted in order for all the networks to have ongoing series based on the subject. Check your Fall listings.
  2. Sales of the popular Isotoner gloves have increased 368%.
  3. Release of the new “Bloodstained” Isotoner glove series has been announced in time for Christmas.
  4. In honour of Judge Ito, Timex will release a new timepiece in the shape of an hourglass. “We admit it’s a bit hard to read without numbers, but each grain of sand is numbered.”
  5. Psychic I. C. Stars, in his predictions for 1996, today forecaster that O.J. would be acquitted next year. When told that he had already been acquitted, he stated, “I wasn’t talking about the Nicole/Goldman trial…”
  6. When asked about the verdict, the O.J. jury admitted, “Oh, we knew he did it. But anyone who had to spend that much time with Cochran and Shapiro has paid his debt to society.”
  7. The limo driver who took O.J. to the airport was seen visiting O.J. the other day. Sources state that he asked O.J., “What do you want me to do with these bloody clothes and knife I found under the seat?”
  8. The first contact was made with alien life. It was in the form of a message: “Stop broadcasting the O.J. trial or we will be forced to retaliate.”
  9. O.J. is in negotiations with the networks about a made-for-TV movie idea. He claimed the concept came to him one day while he was in court. It’s reported to be about a fictitious ex-football star whose wife is murdered…
  10. The money O.J. spent on the “Dream Team” could wipe out the national debt.
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