Things To Be Thankful For

It’s Thanksgiving Day and despite our reputation as a cynic (and that’s the _nicest_ thing they call us), we do have some things to be thankful for:

  • The queen didn’t have more children.
  • The John Bobbitt video hasn’t been picked up as a Fox miniseries.
  • The Vampire wasn’t interviewed by Rush Limbaugh.
  • No parenting books, yet, from Michael and Lisa Marie.
  • Eighty-two days before Roseanne’s next marriage.
  • Richard and Cindy have not issued a “we’re straight and monogamous” CD-ROM.
  • No Christmas CD from Fabio.
  • Shannen Doherty isn’t dating Mickey Rourke, yet.
  • Tiny Tim didn’t run for Congress.
  • No shocking revelations about The Cowsills.
  • Madonna has run out of genders.
  • No “Heck Freezes Over” reunion tour by The Archies.
  • Barney is not on the Internet.
  • Joey Buttafuoco isn’t hosting a talk show.
  • No tell-all autobiography from Bubbles the Chimp.
  • No big-screen remake of “Three’s Company.”
  • That the rich and famous will also continue to be outrageous. Otherwise we’d have to get real jobs.
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