It’s Thanksgiving Day and despite our reputation as a cynic (and that’s the _nicest_ thing they call us), we do have some things to be thankful for:
- The queen didn’t have more children.
- The John Bobbitt video hasn’t been picked up as a Fox miniseries.
- The Vampire wasn’t interviewed by Rush Limbaugh.
- No parenting books, yet, from Michael and Lisa Marie.
- Eighty-two days before Roseanne’s next marriage.
- Richard and Cindy have not issued a “we’re straight and monogamous” CD-ROM.
- No Christmas CD from Fabio.
- Shannen Doherty isn’t dating Mickey Rourke, yet.
- Tiny Tim didn’t run for Congress.
- No shocking revelations about The Cowsills.
- Madonna has run out of genders.
- No “Heck Freezes Over” reunion tour by The Archies.
- Barney is not on the Internet.
- Joey Buttafuoco isn’t hosting a talk show.
- No tell-all autobiography from Bubbles the Chimp.
- No big-screen remake of “Three’s Company.”
- That the rich and famous will also continue to be outrageous. Otherwise we’d have to get real jobs.
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