things that you don’t want to here on an airlpane

THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO OVERHEAR OVER AN AIRLINE P.A. SYSTEM

1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted
to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used
as floatation devices…

2. Hey folks, we’re going to play a little game of geography trivia. If
you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive
an extra pack of peanuts

3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local
terrain. I assure you that it’s all part of our airlines new
commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.

4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o’clock….one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!!

5. ummmmmm….Sorry……(silence)

6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)….uhhhhh….we have to
go back….we..we….uhhhhhh….forgot something…..

7. I’m sure everyones noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction
in weight and drag will mean we’ll be flying much more efficiently now.
(ironic note: this is actually true for prop aircraft!)

8. Fasten your seatbelt (same tone your friend with the suicidal driving
tendencies uses when you get in the car)

9. This is your Captain speaking….these damn planes are a lot different
than the ships I’m used to..so you’ll have to give me some leeway……

10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and
watched the inflight movie.

11. We’ve now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and Oh shit…

12. Don’t worry that one is always on E…

13. Get the parachutes ready…

14. Drinks are on me…or I’ll have what the Captain’s having…

15. Hey capt’n take another hit man…

16. Hey why don’t you tell the new Stewardess she can come sit on my lap
and fly the plane…

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