The Top 10 ways the NFL is planning to cut down on injuries

  • Make the field out of foam rubber
  • Coat every player’s body with Teflon so nobody can touch them
  • Give out free vials of crack to all Dallas Cowboys who make it through a game without injury
  • Replace all defensive linemen with Westminster’s professors
  • Replace all offensive linemen with mandrills
  • Make a rule that all players must walk instead of run
  • All players now have to wear complete suits of armor
  • All players now have to take three shots of Jose Cuervo before each game and at halftime
  • Connect the air conditioner to the locker rooms to a huge bong
  • Have all knee surgeries performed on the field
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