The Top 10 mistakes I made in Spain

  • Trying to sneak in three pounds of C4 in my backpack
  • Pissing on the gate at the Royal Palace in Madrid
  • Getting drunk and claiming Jose Maria Olazabal was a pansy
  • Trying to say “Wednesday” (miercoles) and end up saying “shit” (mierda)
  • Anonymously crank-calling the American Embassy to tell them a thermonuclear missile was stashed in a monastery in Segovia
  • Leaving a few Spanish women something to remember me by, if you know what I mean
  • Going to the top of Sagrada Familia and shouting “Su madres son putas!”
  • Sending a postcard back to Principal Peduzzi saying: The beer is great.Wish you were here. G.
  • Going to a bullfight and saying “Come on, toro!”
  • Trying to sneak back three pounds of pot in my backpack
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