The Different Kinds of Computer Viruses

  • Ross Perot Virus -Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.
  • Mario Cuomo Virus -It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
  • Oprah winfrey Virus -Your 200 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back up to 200 MB.
  • AT & T Virus -Every three minutes it tells you what great service you’re getting.
  • MCI Virus -Every three minutes it tells you that you’re paying too much for the AT & T Virus.
  • Ted Turner Virus -Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus -Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back.
  • Dan Quayle Virus -Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining a binary network.
  • Dan Quayle Virus 2 -Their is sumthing rong with your computer, ewe just can’t figyour out watt.
  • Government Economist Virus -Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
  • New World Order Virus -Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
  • Federal Bureaucrat Virus -Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.
  • Gallup Virus -60 % of the PC’s infected will lose 38 % of their data 14 % of the time + or – a 3.5 % margin of error
  • Terry Randle Virus -Prints “Oh no you don’t” whenever you choose ‘abort’ from the “abort, retry, fail” message.
  • Texas Virus -Makes sure it’s bigger than any other file.
  • Adam and Eve Virus -Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
  • Michael Jackson Virus -Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus won’t harm your PC, but it will trash your car.
  • Cogressional Virus -The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
  • Airline Virus -You’re in Dallas, but you’re data is in Singapore.
  • Freudian Virus -Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own mother databoard.
  • PBS Virus -Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.
  • Elvis Virus -Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface again at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
  • Ollie North Virus -Turns your printer into a document shredder.
  • Sears Virus -Your data won’t appear unless you buy new cables, power supply, and a set of shocks.
  • Jimmy Hoffa Virus -Nobody can find it.
  • Congressional Virus -Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn’t allow the user to accomplish anything.
  • Kevokrian Virus -Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.
  • Imelda Marcos Virus -Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases
  • through Prodigy.
  • Star Trek Virus -Invades your system where no virus has ever gone before.
  • Health Care Virus -Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.00.
  • George Bush Virus -It starts by boldly stating: Read my test….no new files! on the screen, then proceeds to fill up all the free space on your drive with new files,
  • then blames it on the Congressional Virus.
  • Cleveland Indian Virus -Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.
  • LAPD Virus -It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in “self defense.”
  • Chicago Cubs Virus -Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.
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