The following are a few true excerpts of real technical support
inquiries logged over the years. These are not made-up jokes, but
actual situations! Read ’em and see what real support should be!
The Squeaky Mouse
Caller: I would like to speak to someone about a major problem we’re
having with our new system. The mouse does not work, and it squeaks
Tech Guy: Sounds like you do have a problem. Maybe the mouse has a bad
Caller: I’m moving it around right now, can you hear that unbelievable
Tech Guy: Yes. I can’t say I have ever heard that from a mouse before.
Caller: Yeah, and it gets worse if I move it across the screen faster!
Tech Guy: What do you mean, ‘move it across the screen’?
Caller: You know, like push it from one corner of the monitor to the
The Bad Diskette
Caller: We need to return all the 5 1/4″ disks that came with our
system. They are no good – they don’t work.
Tech Guy: Okay, what seems to be the problem with the disks?
Caller: I have no idea. All I did was type our company labels on them
in the typewriter. For some reason now they’re all curled up and
won’t fit into the computer.
The Very Clean Akeyboard
Caller: Hi, I am Mario, a working in a the kitchen here at a
Umberto’s, and a my akeyboard she no work a no more.
Tech Guy: That’s bad, Mario. Are you sure it’s plugged-in all the way?
Caller: Oh yeah, I a plugged it a back in a right myselfa after I a
Tech Guy: You say you cleaned it?
Caller: A yes, it’s a clean as a whistle, about 15 a minutes in the
Keep the Smoke Inside
Caller: We’ve got a real problem here. Your system went up in smoke!
Tech Guy: Oh no, you mean fire, burning, smoke?
Caller: Yeah, filled the whole place up. Had to call the fire
Tech Guy: Jeeze, that’s terrible. I hope no one was hurt.
Caller: No. Just the computer melted. What do we do now?
Tech Guy: Well, uh, okay, I’ll get a return number and you can send it
back to us to take a look at it. Okay?
Caller: Yeah, fine. As soon as we can disconnect the cables from the
Tech Guy: Cables from the cash register?
Caller: Yeah, we hooked our register to the thing to get our receipts
into it at night. We got an adapter from Radio Shack to put the AC
cord into the port, you know?