More Stupid American Laws

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke! Alabama It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. California Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to … Continue reading

Code 9 Phone Call

“This is Brucie Kaufman of Scarsdale, New York” “Your number please?” asked the operator. “I’m nine years old.” “Number please, sir” “I wanta talk with President Johnson” “I just want the phone number,” the operator insisted. “I dunno. My name is Brucie Kaufman.” “Do you want the party’s address?” the … Continue reading

Entrance Exam – Football Player Version

Entrance Exam – Football Player Version Time Limit: 3 WKS What language is spoken in France? Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. Would you ask William Shakespeare to build a … Continue reading

How cold is it? (An Annotated Thermometer)

60 degrees – Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one in their wardrobe) 50 degrees – Miami residents turn on the heat 40 degrees – You can see your breath Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming 35 degrees – Italian cars don’t start 32 degrees – Water freezes 30 degrees – You plan … Continue reading

Urban Legends

The Washington Post had a contest for it’s readers to come up with new Urban Legends (Typical current urban legends would be: There are many aligators living in the sewers of New York City as a result of tourists bringing back pets from Florida that later too large and are … Continue reading

travel

Notes from a “road warrior” comedian: I say thank God for all the muggers in New York City. Without them, there would be no human contact at all. I stood on the shore of the Great Salt Lake, dipped my finger in it, tasted it and said “It needs water.” … Continue reading

Health Insurance Claim

S.C. Anderson PO Box 1302 Minnetonka, MN 55345 Superior Health Insurance ATTN: Claims Review 1423 W. 90th St. New York, NY 05016 Dear Sir: This letter is in response to your recent letter requesting a more detailed explanation concerning my recent internment at Methodist Hospital. Specifically, you asked for an … Continue reading

Your Guide To Modern Creative Artistic Types

creative artistic type dominant personality trait secondary personality traits distinguishing features haunting question how to annoy them Writer Self-Absorption Pomposity Irritability Whining Nervous twitching Bad Posture “Am I just a hack?” Say:”But how do you make a living?” Painter Self-Obsession Delusions of Grandeur Spattered pants “Should I move to New … Continue reading

Actual Signs Seen Across the USA

In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager. On a movie theater: Children’s matinee today. Adults not admitted unless with child. In a florida maternity ward: No children allowed In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning … Continue reading

Actual Signs Seen Out-And-About

The following are actual signs seen across the good ol’ U.S.A. At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container. In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager. On the wall of a Baltimore estate: … Continue reading

Sesame Street Gone Mad

IMPORTANT BREAKING SESAME STREET NEWS! AP Online AP 11/17 2:55 EDT V055 Copyright 1994. All Rights Reserved. NEW YORK NEW YORK (AP) — Big Bird, the famed friendly muppet of Seseme Street, has apparently gone on a rampage. Several muppets are known to be dead; including Prarie Dawn, Oscar the … Continue reading

Excerpts from the LA Times

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times (Includes some late night humor) 1996 was ushered in with a 6 foot 500 pound sphere covered with 12,000 rhinestones at Times Square in New York. Elvis lives! For those still recovering from a weekend of football, here is the bowl … Continue reading