The Anit-Chain Letter

This is a chain letter, the anti-chain letter. You will not receive any bad luck by not sending it, nor any good luck by sending it. It is recommended that you send this letter to many of your nearest friends, to encourage them not to send you any more chain … Continue reading

Life Quotes 101

To conquer the enemy without resorting to war is the most desirable. The highest form of generalship is to conquer the enemy by strategy. -Ancient Chinese Warlord To me old age is 15 years older than I am. -Bernard Baruch Everything considered, work is less boring than amusing oneself. -Charles … Continue reading

Students’ History of the World

A STUDENTS’ HISTORY OF THE WORLD as collected by Richard Lederer (One of the fringe benefits of being an English or history professor is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay or report. Here is the history of the world, pasted together from genuine student bloopers, … Continue reading

Hard To Find Collectables

Official Dan Rostenkowski postage stamp dispensers American Lung Association ash trays M.A.D.D. 12 volt beer coolers American Heart Association butter molds A.S.P.C.A. riding crops Branch Davidian matchbook covers Womens’ Temperance League brandy snifters A.A. shot glasses USMC issue ear rings Save-The-Whales scrimshaw whaling ships “I Visited the World Trade Center” … Continue reading

Computer Acronyms

Useful Acronyms PCMCIA People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms ISDN It Still Does Nothing APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity SCSI System Can’t See It DOS Defunct Operating System BASIC Bill’s Attempt to Seize Industry Control IBM I Blame Microsoft DEC Do Expect Cuts CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months … Continue reading

The Different Kinds of Computer Viruses

Ross Perot Virus -Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits. Mario Cuomo Virus -It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run. Oprah winfrey Virus -Your 200 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back up to 200 MB. AT & T … Continue reading

50 Fun Things Todo In The Mall

Note: Any resemblance of names in this article to actual large powerful corporations capable of destroying mere mortal humans like sparrows in a jet turbine is, um, pure coincidence. Really. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond. Try pants on backwards at the Grap. Ask the … Continue reading

2 * 2

An assemblage of the most gifted minds in the world were all posed the following question: “What is 2 * 2 ?” The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it’s old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces “3.99”. The physicist consults his technical references, sets up … Continue reading

[fwd-humor] Evolution of a Programmer

The Evolution of a Programmer —————————– High School/Jr.High =================== 10 PRINT “HELLO WORLD” 20 END First year in College ===================== program Hello(input, output) begin writeln(‘Hello World’) end. Senior year in College ====================== (defun hello (print (cons ‘Hello (list ‘World)))) New professional ================ #include void main(void) { char *message[] = {“Hello … Continue reading

Intresting News Stories from around the World.

Compiled by Ivan Weiss. From The Seattle Times, Saturday, October 14, 1995. A small group of policemen are trying to change a negative image of Bangkok law enforcement and ease driver tensions by dancing as they direct traffic. Twelve Ventura, Calif., cheerleaders crammed into a Voltswagen Bug during a contest. … Continue reading

Urban myths from Hell

from WIRED Magazine: The Ultimate Urban Myth: is a ten year old boy who is dying of cancer. Before he dies, he would like to set the world record for recieving the most Neiman-Marcus Cookie recipes. You can help by sending an irate fax to LEXIS-NEXIS demanding that they remove … Continue reading

Pick Up Lines; With Answers

I know how to please a woman. Then please leave me alone. I want to give myself to you. Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts. May I see you pretty soon? Don’t you think I’m pretty now? Your hair colour is fabulous. Thank you. It’s on aisle three at the … Continue reading

Top Ten Ways the Bible Would Have Been Different if Written by College Students.

Loaves and Fishes replaced by Pizza and Chips Ten Commandments are actually only five, but because they are double-spaced and written in a large font, they look like ten. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn’t dorm food. Paul’s Letters to the Romans become Paul’s E-Mail to the … Continue reading

Hyper-Cerebral Electrosis

The internet has been abuzz lately with a worrisome health alert. It seems intense mental activity can trigger a rare brain disorder called hyper-cerebral electrosis, resulting in a rather messy explosion. Chess players and others with great powers of concentration are especially at risk. Worried? Take the following diagnostic quiz, … Continue reading

Why Mozart lost the job

Why Mozart Lost the Job Dear Dean X: I write in response to your suggestion of an appointment to our faculty for a Mr. W. A. Mozart, currently of Vienna, Austria. While the Music Department appreciates your interest, faculty are sensitive about their prerogatives in the selection of new colleagues. … Continue reading

Gag Headlines

Some gag headlines on how the media would handle the end of the world. USA Today: WE’RE DEAD. Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS. National Enquirer: O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN. Inc. Magazine: 10 WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE. Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION … Continue reading

Title Deeds

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Administration) loan for a client. He was told that the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to property offered as collateral. The title dated back to 1803, and he had to spend three months running it down. … Continue reading

If the World was 100 People

“If we could shrink the population of the earth to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look like this: There would be 57 Asians, 21 Europeans, 14 Western Hemisphere people (both North & South Americans), and 8 Africans. Seventy persons would be … Continue reading

Quotes

Johnny Hart’s comic strip “B.C.”: “If man evolved from the ape, how come there are still apes around? Some of them were given choices.” This one is my favorite: Bill Watterson, cartoonist: “Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of … Continue reading