All The Ways To Confuse, Annoy, And Screw With Your Roommate – (page 4 of 4)

Invite your roommate to sleep over. Let your alarm clock go off and refuse to turn it off. If your roommate comments, pretend not to hear anything. Walk into walls. Leave little notes in the shower for him/her. Every time you take a shower, yell audibly, “I’m melting, I’m melting!” … Continue reading

All The Ways To Confuse, Annoy, And Screw With Your Roommate – (page 3 of 4)

Talk back to your “Rice Krispies.” All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, “No, I want to watch them suffer.” Change the locks on the door. Don’t let your roommate in unless s/he says the secret … Continue reading

All The Ways To Confuse, Annoy, And Screw With Your Roommate – (page 2 of 4)

Dress in drag. Buy Lays potato chips with all your money. Stack the bags in the middle of the room in a pyramid. Eat them whenever your roommate is in the room. For every one you eat, offer your roommate one, each time telling him, “No one can eat just … Continue reading

Dictonary of Gardening

Or the real truth about that funny place round the back. Aaaa Sound produced by dozing gardener when stung by bee trapped in said gardener’s trouser leg. Annual Any plant that dies before blooming. Aphid Insect pest that inphests gardens and makes gardeners phoam at the mouth, stamp their pheet … Continue reading

Useless Facts (3 of 5)

When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home, the stadium becomes the state’s third largest city. Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors. John Larroquette of “Night Court” and “The John Larroquette Show” was the narrator of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.” … Continue reading

Useless Facts (2 of 5)

The number of the trash compactor in Star Wars (20th Century Fox, 1977) is 3263827. “Underground” is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters “und.” The international telphone dialing code for Antarctica is 672. A full seven percent of the entire Irish barley … Continue reading

Top 10 People I Can Do Without On This Campus

Foot draggers (see West Hall) Anyone who calls the Help Desk with a simple problem and gives the entire 30 minute unabridged version of how it happened and all the circumstances surrounding it and what they were wearing at the time, etc. Guys who wear their girlfriends’ sorority letters The … Continue reading

Top 10 Reasons Why December Sucks

December + New Wilmington, PA = 3 feet of snow Post-Christmas Letdown Have to start worrying about those damned W-2’s, W-4’s and W-9’s again Computers shut down around this time – like Keystone I catch my annual stomach virus Two words: frozen highways Getting picked up by police for public … Continue reading

50 Ways to Drive Men Crazy

Do not say what you mean. Ever. Be ambiguous. Always. Cry. Cry often. Tell them it’s their fault. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought years, months, or ago. Make them apologize for everything. Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that … Continue reading

Reasons Why I Haven’t Written Lately

I took a paper-folding class and every time I try and fold a letter it becomes a graceful swan or scale-covered chicken I didn’t have any stationery with a cute little bunny or Harrison Ford on it I support the migrant ink workers in their struggle against capitalist oppression Everything … Continue reading

Inverterate Smilers Need a Dose of Reality

One of my fondest curbstone theories has recently been confirmed by genuine scientific research. It has to do with why some people are chronically grouchy and depressed while others are always bubbling with enthusiasm and looking at the bright side of life. A psychologist took a close look at students … Continue reading

More Ways To Be Annoying

Specify that your drive through order is “to go”. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with a pen while talking to others. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will “swipe your grub”. Name your dog … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

The evolution of math education

HOW TO SPOT OUTCOME-BASED EDUCATION Math Quiz: In 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is four fifths the price. What is his profit? In 1970 (traditional math): A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 … Continue reading

Miscellaneous Observations

ANGST Every time I find out the meaning of life, they change it. If only there were some indication the universe was doing it on purpose! Is the world full of smart people pretending, or imbeciles who mean it? If only you could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without … Continue reading

Are You An Internet Nerd?

This quiz is dedicated to all of those people who find themselves constantly roaming the net. Do you leave yourself logged in twenty-four hours a day, even when you’re not home? Is your wpm typing speed higher than your IQ? Are you having trouble seeing things at distances greater than … Continue reading

Academic talk (offensive to professors)

What the professor means By J. Timothy Petersik from the Chronicle of Higher Education Says: You’ll be using one of the leading textbooks in the field. Means: I used it as a grad student. Says: If you follow these few simple rules, you’ll do fine in the course. Means: If … Continue reading

FIfty More Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Invite your invisible friends over for a few weeks. Blame them when all his beer is gone. Be convincing. Get a Brother P-Touch labeler. Label EVERYTHING!!! When ever your girlfriend sleeps over, leave wearing her clothes. Hide all your roomate’s stuff and tell him that he never lived with you. … Continue reading