Quotes By Women

I feel convinced that a girl would never let herself be brought to the altar, no, she would probably refuse completely, if she knew *everything*… — Queen Victoria I married below my standards – all women do. — Nancy Astor You meet a lot of smart guys with stupid wives, … Continue reading

A Woman’s Little Instruction Book

Excerpts from “A Woman’s Little Instruction Book”… 1. Woman don’t make fools of men — most of them are the do-it-yourself variety. 2. The best reason to divorce a man is for your health: you’ve gotten sick of him. 3. Definition of widowhood: the only good thing some women get … Continue reading

Loony Sex Laws that You Never Knew You Were Breaking

Excerpts from Robert Wayne Pelton’s Loony Sex Laws that You Never Knew You Were Breaking (Walker and Company): In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it’s illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm. It’s against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for … Continue reading

Humorously Translated Signs From Around The World

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours – we guarantee no miscarriages. Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass? In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today — no ice cream. In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden … Continue reading

Lawyer’s Revenge

A quick narrative. I always wanted a hopped up muscle car when I was younger. I couldn’t afford one. Now I can, and I have one. It is a ’70 Mustang, and her name is Bessie. Bessie is the prototypical juvenile, male-caveman, scratch you crotch and drink cheap beer car. … Continue reading

A T-shirt for women

Seen on a T-shirt worn by a woman: MENtal Anxiety, MENtal Breakdown, MENstrual Cramps, MENopause … Did you ever notice how all of our problems begin with MEN?

Jobs and lovemaking

Three married women were sitting around talking, and the subject of making love came up. The first woman said, “Well, I’m married to a psychologist, so whenever we make love, he always brings me home flowers and chocolates first, and it just puts me right in the mood, and we … Continue reading

Men and Women are NOT Alike

Sure, you thought you already knew that. But now we have proof! After countless hours of surveys and studies on the following topics, these facts have emerged: Relationships: First of all, a man does not call a relationship a relationship – he refers to it as “that time when me … Continue reading

Square Balls Bet

An elderly lady walked into a branch of the Chase Manhattan Bank building holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man at the window that she wished to take the $3 million she had in the bag and open an account with the bank. She … Continue reading

Beer vs. women (more)

WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN 1. You can enjoy a beer any day of the month. 2. You can have two (or more) different beers the same night (or even at the same time) and no one will complain. 3. You can finish with a beer in as … Continue reading

Where to meet singles in 90s

THE PLACES TO MEET SEXY SINGLES IN THE 90’S…SORTA By Robert Mauro The usual places for singles to meet have been talked about and written about for ages. Take a cruise, they say. It’s better in the Bahamas. See Alaska’s Winter Wonderland. You can dance. You can eat. You can … Continue reading

Adam and Eve

One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem.” “What’s the problem, Adam?”, God replies. “Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful … Continue reading

what is marriage?

SUBJECT…… THE “LIGHTER” SIDE OF MARRIAGE 1. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!). 2. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. 3. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for … Continue reading

Pick-up Rebuttal Humor

PICK-UP REBUTTAL HUMOR 1.) Man: “Haven’t we met before?” Woman: “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.” 2.) Man: “So, wanna go back to my place?” Woman: “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?” 3.) Man: “I’d really like to get into your pants.” Woman: … Continue reading

Confucious say

Canonical Collection of “CONFUCIUS SAY” Wisdom ================================================ Last Updated: 10/18/94 77. “Is good for girl to meet boy but better for boy to meat girl.” 76. “Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.” 75. “Man who finger girl having period may get caught red handed.” 74. “Man trapped … Continue reading

Men and Women

WOMEN Because woman’s work is never done and is underpaid or unpaid or boring or repetitious and we’re the first to get the sack and what we look like is more important than what we do and if we get raped it’s our fault and if we get bashed we … Continue reading

book of creation

THE BOOK OF CREATION —————————————————— Chapter 1 1- In the beginning God created Dates. 2- And the date was Monday, July 4, 4004 BC. 3- And God said, let there be light; and there was light. And when there was Light, God saw the Date, that it was Monday, and … Continue reading

Murphy’s Laws on Sex (long)

MURPHY’S LAWS ON SEX ——————– 1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings. 2. Nothing improves with age. 3. No matter how many times you’ve had it, if it’s offered take it, because it’ll never be quite … Continue reading

Golf Joke

This guy is a bad golfer. He has a nasty slice, which he’s working on. Today, he overcompensates and hooks badly off the tee. After much searching of the rough on the left of the fairway he finally locates his ball sitting in the middle of a bed of buttercups. … Continue reading

Tickling Trivia

1. What’s in front of a woman and back of a cow? The letter W 2. What’s starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid? A coconut 3. What’s about 6 inches long, has a vein running down it and … Continue reading

Dilbert – The New Sex Symbol Of The `90s

by Scott Adams (scottadams@aol.com) I get about 100 e-mail messages a day from readers of my comic strip “Dilbert.” Most are from disgruntled office workers, psychopaths, stalkers, comic-strip fans — that sort of person. But a growing number are from women who write to say they think Dilbert is sexy. … Continue reading

Random Sayings

“It’s a very sobering feeling to be up in space and realize that one’s safety factor was determined by the lowest bidder on a government contract.” — Alan Shepherd (apollo astronaut) Life is what’s taking place while you’re busy planning your future. — Ellen Daleng It’s a commonly accepted truth … Continue reading

More quotes by women (about men)

A gossip is someone who talks to you about others, a bore is someone who talks to you about himself, an excellent conversationalist is someone who talks to you about you. — Lisa Kirk As soon as Adam had the chance, he blamed women. — Nancy Astor It takes a … Continue reading