Household physics

Ever notice that the laws of household physics are every bit as real as every other law in the universe? Here are a few examples: 1. A child’s eagerness to assist in any project varies in inverse proportion to he ability to actually do the work involved. 2. Leftovers always … Continue reading

What If Dr. Seuss Did Technical Manual Writing?

Here’s an easy game to play. Here’s an easy thing to say: If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket … Continue reading

More Stupid American Laws

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke! Alabama It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. California Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to … Continue reading

How The Angel Got To Be On Top Of The Christmas Tree

It just happened to be one of those dreadful days for Santa… It started of when he woke up groaning with a dreadful headache. But with so many things to do before Christmas Eve a few days later, there was no way that he could permit himself time to rest. … Continue reading

30 fun things to do while driving

30 Fun Things to do When Driving (author unkown) ——————————————————— 1. Vary your vehicle’s speed inversely with the speed limit. 2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang. 3. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock … Continue reading

Microsoft Technical Support Line

Heard this on NPR’s Car Talk program: A small commuter airplane is approaching Seattle. Fog envelopes the plane, and the pilot becomes disoriented. Obviously confused, he struggles to regain course without success. He decides to lose some altitude, and there in the fog appears a large building! Pilot decides to … Continue reading

drunk jokes

A couple of drunks are sitting at a bar on the 10th story of a building. One says, “See that window over there? Well, if you were to jump out that window, the air pressure rising from the city’s activity would keep you from hitting the ground. If there’s enough … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Windoze Errors

Recently the following undocumented Windows 95 error-codes were found. Microsoft forgot to explain them in the manuals, so they will be spread via the Internet: Error Code Error Message WinErr:001 Windows loaded – System in danger WinErr:002 No Error – Yet WinErr:003 Dynamic linking error – Your mistake is now … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

Suicide?

On March 23, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a gunshot wound to the head caused by a shotgun. Investigation to that point had revealed that the deceased had jumped from the top of a ten story building with the intent … Continue reading

Steven Wright Quotes and One-Liners

Steven Wright: When I was growing up, my parents had a quick-sandbox. I was an only child… eventually. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time. I used to have a dog. I named him … Continue reading

The latest Darwin Awards

Darwin Awards These are nearly always granted posthumously. This citation is bestowed upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. —————————————————————- [San Jose Mercury News] An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to … Continue reading

10 Ways to Make Your Neighbors Move

Order pizza and other food to their house and pick it up at their doorstep claiming that you don’t have a phone. Stand over the plants in your yard with a hose and Scream, “I have your life in my hands, bow down to me!”. Then point at each one … Continue reading

Business Joke

TEST YOUR BUSINESS SENSE – thanks to Pat Snider and Gary Guibor You are a major defense contractor, and you are building a gun for the Army that is supposed to be able to shoot down enemy planes. So far, the taxpayers have paid you nearly $2 billion for it, … Continue reading

The Scientist and the Poet on a Train

There were once two people travelling on a train, a scientist and a poet, who were riding in the same compartment. They had never met before, so naturally, there wasn’t much conversation between the two. The poet was minding his own business, looking out the window at the beauty of … Continue reading

Microsoft Windows for Macintosh Advertising Campaign

I heard that Microsoft is going to come out with a version of Windows for the MacIntosh. I can imagine what the advertisements will be: Are you tired of the user-friendliness of your MacIntosh? Then get Microsoft Windows for MacIntosh, featuring limited on-line help and poor documentation! Why settle for … Continue reading

Dan Quayle

One afternoon, former Vice President Dan Quayle was driving home after picking up his daughter Corrine from school. At a red light, a fellow motorist pulled alongside and rolled down his window. “You’re a double for Dan Quayle!” he shouted. “Gee, I hope I don’t look like that guy,” Quayle … Continue reading