New PBS Schedule

Here’s a future PBS schedule if public broadcasting leaders cave in to Republican pressure by Mark Harmon, Associate Professor at Texas Tech. 8:00 am Morning Stretch: Arnold Schwarzenegger does squats while reciting passages of “Atlas Shrugged.” 9:00 am Mr. Rogers’ Segregated Neighborhood: King Friday sings “Elitism is neat.” The House … Continue reading

Dictonary of Gardening

Or the real truth about that funny place round the back. Aaaa Sound produced by dozing gardener when stung by bee trapped in said gardener’s trouser leg. Annual Any plant that dies before blooming. Aphid Insect pest that inphests gardens and makes gardeners phoam at the mouth, stamp their pheet … Continue reading

Beer Facts

Beer is apparently cheaper now than it ever was, relative to income. In 1925, a gentleman could spend his weeks pay and get 77 tallies (750 mL bottles). The same gentleman in 1957 could spend his weeks wage on 89 bottles. 1969’s average wage netted 93 bottles of beer, and … Continue reading

You know It’s Your Last Day At Work When …

You know it’s your last day at work when…. You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, “What’s this?”, you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox. A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, “I waited on … Continue reading

More Stupid American Laws

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke! Alabama It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. California Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to … Continue reading

day off

So you want the day off from work, eh? Fair enough…let’s take a look at what you’re asking for. There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have two days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

sayings

It may be bad manners to talk with your mouth full, but it isn’t too good either if you speak when your head is empty. It’s a good thing we don’t get all the government we pay for. It’s easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to … Continue reading

Top 25 Reasons that Hockey is Better than Sex

It’s ok to bleed during play. If it’s a bad game, you can call a time out. Every player usually has two or three sticks to choose from. There is a limit to the sizes of all equipment. You can still play when you get married. You can change on … Continue reading

AOL Diskettes

Announcer: Are you sick and tired of having to go out and buy diskettes every other week to back up your files? Of course you are. Well, I’ve got some great news for you!! America Online has begun a new program of shipping out diskettes for people like you and … Continue reading

Ways to Simulate Being in the Navy When You’re at Home

Lock all friends and family outside. Your only means of communication should be with letters that your neighbors have held for at least three weeks, discarding two of five. Surround yourself with 200 people that you don’t really know or like: people who smoke, snore like Mack trucks going uphill, … Continue reading

Steven Wright Quotes and One-Liners

Steven Wright: When I was growing up, my parents had a quick-sandbox. I was an only child… eventually. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time. I used to have a dog. I named him … Continue reading

Sex Maths

Scientists have determined that the average time for intercourse is four minutes. The average number of strokes per minute is nine, and since the average length is six inches, the average girl receives two hundred and sixteen inches or eighteen feet per intercourse. The average girl does it three times … Continue reading

Redneck letter from home

Dear Stella: I’m writing this letter slow because I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live were we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won’t be able to send you … Continue reading

Excerpts from the LA Times

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times (Includes some late night humor) 1996 was ushered in with a 6 foot 500 pound sphere covered with 12,000 rhinestones at Times Square in New York. Elvis lives! For those still recovering from a weekend of football, here is the bowl … Continue reading