Useless Facts (5 of 5)

Tomb robbers believed that knocking Egyptian sarcophagi’s noses off would and therefore forstall curses. The allele for six fingers and toes is dominant in humans. (Watch out Inigo Montoya…) The face of a penny can hold about thirty drops of water. Medieval knights put sharkskin on their swordhandles to give … Continue reading

fishing trip

It seems tht a trio of buddies drove several hundred miles to their favorite fishing spot. The driver said, “Boy, am I beat!” and fell asleep immediately. The others played a joke on him: they reset his alarm clock and watch from 10 P.M. to 4:55 A.M., got undressd and … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Smurf Sex

A Joke not suitable for readers under the age of 18.

It’s time to tell the truth about Smurfs. You see, Smurfs are a lot like other folks; they have dreams and ambitions, deep, thoughtful conversations with each other, and good and bad times. “But,” people ask, “do Smurfs have….. you know,…… sex?” The answer is an emphatic and resounding YES! And … Continue reading

What is the Information Superhighway?

Q: What is the Information Superhighway? A: It’s just like the internet, except: o it’s a lot more expensive. o you can’t post and there’s no killfile. o there’s no alt.sex.* or alt.drugs o rec.humor.funny has a laugh track. o there’s a commercial break every 10 minutes. o everything is … Continue reading

A Physicist, An Engineer And A Mathematician Measure A Flagpole

A physicist, an engineer and a mathematician are all standing around the university flagpole when an English professor stops and asks what they’re doing. “Well,” says the physicist, “we want to know the height of the flagpole and are discussing formulas we might use to calculate it.” “Watch,” says the … Continue reading

Steven Wright Quotes and One-Liners

Steven Wright: When I was growing up, my parents had a quick-sandbox. I was an only child… eventually. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time. I used to have a dog. I named him … Continue reading

Reasons Why I Can’t Go Out With You….

I’d LOVE to, but … I have to floss my cat. I’ve dedicated my life to linguini. I need to spend more time with my blender. It wouldn’t be fair to the other Beautiful People. It’s my night to pet the dog/ferret/goldfish. I don’t go out on days that end … Continue reading

Driving Tips for Maine

Living smack in the middle of a place like Maine means that you have to drive a fairly good distance to get anywhere that doesn’t look like a Jack Daniel’s ad. You know the ones where there’s a black and white picture of some old redneck with no teeth to … Continue reading

Top Ten Reasons Studying is Better Than Sex!

You can usually find someone to do it with. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place, and pick up where you left off. You can finish early without feelings of guilt or shame. When you open a book, you don’t have to worry about who else has … Continue reading

Lunch (sexual)

One day a fish was swimming in a lake, and he noticed a fly buzzing around above him. He thought, “If that fly would only come down four inches I could jump and get it and have my lunch.” There was a bear watching the fish from the nearby woods … Continue reading

How do they do it ?

Anthropologists do it with culture. Archeologists do it with mummies. Architects do it late. Bankers do it with interest, but pay for early withdrawl. Bayseians probably do it. Boy Scouts do it in the woods. C++ programmers do it with class. C++ programmers do it with private members and public … Continue reading

Easter Humor

One Sunday late in Lent a Sunday School teacher decided to ask her class what they remembered about Easter. The first little fellow suggested that Easter was when all the family comes to the house and they eat a big turkey and watch football. The teacher suggested that perhaps he … Continue reading

What time is it?

Ken: What time is it? Len: 2:14 Ken: Not again! Len: What’s wrong? Ken: All day long I’ve been asking people what time it is and everybody gives me a different answer!

Juggler Joke

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. “What are those machetes doing in your car?” asks the cop. “I juggle them in my act.” “Oh, yeah?” says the doubtful cop. “Let’s see you do it.” The juggler gets out and starts tossing and catching the … Continue reading