Top 10 Shockers Clinton Will Give To Ken Starr’s Grand Jury

Roger Clinton is actually an adept hacker and wrote UUCP….Unix-to-Unix Cocaine Protocol “I felt Paula Jones’ pain….she had a toothache” Chelsea is actually Bill & “Ginger Spice”‘s love child He grows pot in the Rose Garden Vernon Jordan is Nicole & Ron’s “Real Killer” Monica owns six pairs of knee-pads … Continue reading

Top 10 Uses For An America Online CD-ROM

Gifts for stupid users Extra-large washer (for bolts’n’nat) Emory wheel Toilet paper substitute Stress relief device Soft drink coaster Rear view mirror Unix Lab frisbee Public service poster: “Friends don’t let friends use AOL” Real ISP torture device

UNIX Commands

% cat “food in cans” cat: can’t open food in cans % nice man woman No manual entry for woman. % rm God rm: God nonexistent % ar t God ar: God does not exist % ar r God ar: creating God % “How would you rate Quayle’s incompetence? Unmatched … Continue reading

Miscellaneous Observations

ANGST Every time I find out the meaning of life, they change it. If only there were some indication the universe was doing it on purpose! Is the world full of smart people pretending, or imbeciles who mean it? If only you could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without … Continue reading

Unix Humor

A Customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question: Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program? UNIX consul: Yes, that’s correct. Customer: No, what is it? UNIX consul: Yes. Customer: So, which is the one? UNIX consul: No. ‘which’ is used to find … Continue reading

Addicted to Vi

For those of you who don’t know UNIX and have no idea what “vi” is or how to use it, this message will not be very funny to you. For those of you who do know what “vi” is and how to use it, this will be a hoot. (sung … Continue reading

How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot

Unix: You shoot yourself in the foot. DOS: You keep running up against the one-bullet barrier. MS-Windows: The gun blows up in your hand. Windows NT: The gun is so huge and unwieldy that you have to keep swapping it from one hand to the other. OS/2: The gun and … Continue reading

God and UNIX

For those not into the Biographies behind UNIX and Perl and such: First there was God. He was quite lonely, so he created Dennis. Dennis was unimpressed with God. So, . . . God created Brian. But Brian got bored with God. So Brian and Dennis started playing, and they … Continue reading

The Programmer’s Quick Guide To The Languages

The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you’re currently using. This handy reference is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such a dilemma. TASK: Shoot … Continue reading