A guide to Man-Machine Interface Terminology

USER-FRIENDLY C>DUR Command not found. Try retyping. USER-HELPFUL C>DUR I don’t understand DUR. Do you mean DIR? USER-UNFRIENDLY C>DUR C>DUR C>DUR C>DUR C>DUR (Eventually you realise nothing is actually happening, or not as the case may be..) USER-HOSTILE C>DUR Ha! A mistake! I’m sure you meant to say FORMAT so … Continue reading

The Gates of Heaven

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, “Religion?” The man says, “Episcopalian”. St. Peter looks down his list, and says, “Go to room 24. But be very quiet as you pass room 8”. Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. “Religion”? “Baptist”. “Go to room … Continue reading

You Know You’re a Grad Student When…

You just might be a grad student if: you can identify universities by their internet domains. you are constantly looking for a thesis in novels. you have difficulty reading anything that doesn’t have footnotes. you understand jokes about Foucoult. the concept of free time scares you. you consider caffeine to … Continue reading

I’m glad I’m a man

I’m Glad I’m a Man. I’m glad I’m a man, of that I am proud. I’m not all bitchy, annoying and loud. I won’t try to squeeze in jeans three sizes too small. My crdit card is still good when I leave from the mall. I won’t drink diet coke, … Continue reading

How things are named

Did you hear how our country Canada was named? … well … there are two stories as to how this came about. The first story holds that the first to arrive, upon meeting the natives would ask “what is the name of this place?” to which the natives would respond … Continue reading

Warning Signs of Insanity for Programmers.

Warning Signs of Insanity for Programmers. 1. You stay up all night coding only to realize that you haven’t had any caffine in about 6 hours. 2. You start listening to music and see it properly indented in your head. 3. You think the cleaning lady is sining in tune. … Continue reading

Dog vs. Man humor (may be offensive to some men)

1. How Dogs and Men Are the Same Both take up too much space on the bed. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning. Both are threatened by their own kind. Both mark their territory. Both are bad at asking you questions. Neither tells you what’s bothering them. The smaller … Continue reading

Unix Humor

A Customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question: Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program? UNIX consul: Yes, that’s correct. Customer: No, what is it? UNIX consul: Yes. Customer: So, which is the one? UNIX consul: No. ‘which’ is used to find … Continue reading

What Not to Name Your Dog

Everyone who has a dog names him “Rover” or “Spot“. I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, “Me too.” Then … Continue reading

Why Dogs Are Better Than Men

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public. Dogs miss you when you’re gone. You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you. Dogs feel guilt when they’ve done something wrong. Dogs don’t brag about whom they have slept with. Dogs don’t criticize your friends. Dogs admit … Continue reading

If Dr. Seuss Wrote For Star Trek the Next Generation

If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation… By Dave Fuller Picard: Sigma Indri, that’s the star, So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship can get there very fast But still the trip will last and last We’ll have two days til we arrive But … Continue reading

Eco humour

A man was arrested for having shot and killed a bald eagle, then eating it. Upon his conviction for the offense, the judge asked him, “Have you anything to say before I sentence you? You’ve killed an endangered species and ‘eaten’ it! You destroyed our national symbol! Why shouldn’t I … Continue reading

Academic talk (offensive to professors)

What the professor means By J. Timothy Petersik from the Chronicle of Higher Education Says: You’ll be using one of the leading textbooks in the field. Means: I used it as a grad student. Says: If you follow these few simple rules, you’ll do fine in the course. Means: If … Continue reading

Randoms

It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, since the average man can see better than he can think. How long a minute is depends upon which side of the bathroom door you are on. Diplomacy is the … Continue reading

50 Fun Things Todo in a Final That Doesn’t Matter

You are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam, so: Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes … Continue reading