Top 10 Things That Will Auctioned Off Next

Evander Holyfield’s ear Bits and Pieces of a US Hockey Team hotel room A set of banned Minnesota Timberwolves’ too-long shorts The Wilt Chamberlain Condom Collection Prime Ribs and Sirloins from the previous Bevos 100 spit-soaked towels of Jerry Tarkenian Jim McMahon’s acupuncture needles Every commercial John Madden has ever … Continue reading

Top 10 Products That Were Rejected By The Acme Company

Acme Bottled Mexican Water Acme Sulphuric Acid Mouthwash Acme Disintegrating Curling Brooms Acme Joey Buttafuoco Costume Acme Exploding Operating System (later licensed to Micro$oft) Acme Genuine Cactus Underwear Acme Do-It-Yourself Home Triple-Bypass Heart Surgery Kit Acme Dog Turd Novelty (made with real dog turd) Acme Salmon-flavored Instant Breakfast Drink Acme … Continue reading

Top 10 Reactions Of The American People About The Clinton Impeachment Inquiry

“This week’s made-for-TV movie: On My Knees, The Monica Lewinsky story” “You mean we’re paying these guys to look into Monica giving blowjobs to Clinton?” “Will this be on Springer?” “At least it gives Tim Russert and Sam Donaldson something to do” “When will the movie be released, Mr. Stone?” … Continue reading

Top 10 People I Can Do Without On This Campus

Foot draggers (see West Hall) Anyone who calls the Help Desk with a simple problem and gives the entire 30 minute unabridged version of how it happened and all the circumstances surrounding it and what they were wearing at the time, etc. Guys who wear their girlfriends’ sorority letters The … Continue reading

The Top 10 Bumper Stickers

“Horn broken…watch for finger” “Your kid may be an honor student…but YOU’RE still an idiot!” “We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.” “Be nice to your kids…they’ll choose your nursing home” “Bad cop! No donut!” “If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of … Continue reading

Top 10 Classes That Nobody Wants To Take

CS666-COBOL for everything SCI101-Technology; taught by Bryan Rennie POL325-Close-Up of Phil Gramm MTH560-Differential Equations for Masochists PSY431-Dissecting Your Own Brain CLC200-Sociology/Broadcasting Cluster: Talk Shows LNG281-Advanced Urdu LIT103-Rants by Bill McTaggart REL601-Senior Study: Pagan Worship PE240B-Swimming in Brittain Lake Continue reading

Top 10 Things That’ll Change When Jesse Ventura Becomes Governor

He’ll get in the ring with Hogan to determing the next President John Randle will become a heavyweight champion of every wrestling organization The name will be changed to “McMahonSucksLand” The Twins will move out Update Minnesota constitution to allow powerbombs as misdemeanor punishment Update Minnesota constitution to allow powerbombs … Continue reading