Top Ten Lorena Bobbitt Excuses

10. Hoped it would somehow help NAFTA get passed 9. Too much caffeine 8. What can I say? I love a good joke 7. That’s what he gets for hoggin’ the remote control 6. Took Bob Barker’s constant “spaying and neutering” reminders to their logical conclusion 5. I was trying … Continue reading

Ten things that sound dirty at Thanksgiving, but aren’t

Reach in and grab the giblets. Whew, that’s one terrific spread! I’m in the mood for a little dark meat. Tying the legs together will keep the insides moist. Talk about a huge breast! “and he forced his way into the end zone…” She’s 5000 pounds fully inflated and it … Continue reading

More Ways To Be Annoying

Specify that your drive through order is “to go”. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with a pen while talking to others. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will “swipe your grub”. Name your dog … Continue reading

Top Ten Reasons Phillies’ Fans Could Welcome a Strike

No more Businesspersons’ Specials = No Blue Hats.. Idle Phanatic is a great moneysaver. Who can’t use another really absorbent bathmat? Working Triple-A team more familiar than Big Phils this year anyhow. “Magic Number” to elimination would have been too difficult to calculate this early. Your kid’s Little League team … Continue reading

the Beatles

THE BEATLES ARE BACK Top ten things heard while playing “Free as a Bird” backward in Windows Media Player: 10. Paul eats red meat…Paul eats red meat… 9. Number 95…number 95…number 95… 8. I am the egg man. They are the egg men. I am a profit center. 7. How … Continue reading

Easter Humor

One Sunday late in Lent a Sunday School teacher decided to ask her class what they remembered about Easter. The first little fellow suggested that Easter was when all the family comes to the house and they eat a big turkey and watch football. The teacher suggested that perhaps he … Continue reading