Reality (Femidom)

If you’ve been keeping up with the latest developments in contraceptive technology, you know that a new female condom was put on the U.S. market last year. For those of you who can’t imagine it, the female condom looks something like a small latex windsock with a flexible ring at either end, … Continue reading

signs that technology has taken over (3 of 3)

Signs That Technology Has Taken Over Your Life (Part 3 of 3) 21. You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you something, but you think it’s okay for a computer to call and demand that you start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive … Continue reading

Merry Christmas – ASCII Art

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Twelve Drummers Drumming .-} .-} .-} |_| |_| |_| (_) (_) __ (_) .—. | .–. | .’ ‘. | / |_|–o ) |_|–o ; |_|–o | |:| ‘–‘ |:|’.__.’ |:| / |:| |:| |:| `—` |:|_ |:|_ … Continue reading

The Different Kinds of Computer Viruses

Ross Perot Virus -Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits. Mario Cuomo Virus -It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run. Oprah winfrey Virus -Your 200 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back up to 200 MB. AT & T … Continue reading

Why the Ethernet (Internet, Bitnet, etc..) Is Like a Penis

It can be up or down. It’s more fun when it’s up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done. In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that’s the only thing … Continue reading

Microsoft Windows for Macintosh Advertising Campaign

I heard that Microsoft is going to come out with a version of Windows for the MacIntosh. I can imagine what the advertisements will be: Are you tired of the user-friendliness of your MacIntosh? Then get Microsoft Windows for MacIntosh, featuring limited on-line help and poor documentation! Why settle for … Continue reading

A Calculus Carol

written by: Denis Gannon(1940-1991) sung to the tune of “Oh, Christmas Tree” Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus, How tough are both your branches. Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus, To pass what are my chances? Derivatives I cannot take, At integrals my fingers shake. Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus, How tough are both your … Continue reading

Hyper-Cerebral Electrosis

The internet has been abuzz lately with a worrisome health alert. It seems intense mental activity can trigger a rare brain disorder called hyper-cerebral electrosis, resulting in a rather messy explosion. Chess players and others with great powers of concentration are especially at risk. Worried? Take the following diagnostic quiz, … Continue reading

Star Trek With Dilbert Management

What the 24th century would be like under today’s management techniques. After the crew is told they are now Empowered, Dr. Crusher begins doing medical experiments on unsuspecting enlisted personnel while Worf slaughters everyone he considers “weak”. Data fails an ISO9000 audit because the construction of his positronic brain isn’t … Continue reading

2 Sodium Atoms Walk Down The Street…

Two sodium atoms are walking along the street when one stops and says, “Oh my God, I think I’ve lost an electron!” “Are you sure?” asks the other sodium atom. “Yes,” replies the first sodium atom, “I’m positive.”

Heavy Boots

About 6-7 years ago, I was in a philosophy class at the University of Wisconsin, Madison (good science/engineering school) and the teaching assistant was explaining Descartes. He was trying to show how things don’t always happen the way we think they will and explained that, while a pen always falls … Continue reading

Four Engineers Travelling In A Car

There are four engineers travelling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down. “Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We’ll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again”, says … Continue reading

Signs Technology Has Taken Over Your Life (2 of 3)

You sign Christmas cards by putting 🙂 next to your signature. Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than :-). You back up your data every day. Your wife asks you to pick up some minipads for her at … Continue reading

How To Be A Pest-By-Modem

Here’s how to be a pest-by-modem: *Make up fake acronyms. On-line veterans like to use abbreviations like IMHO (in my humble opinion) and RTFM (read the f…… manual) to show that they’re “hep” to the lingo. Make up your own that don’t stand for anything (SETO, BARL, CP30), use them … Continue reading