Top 10 Things We’re Doing To “Farm”

Farm = IBM PS/2 with a 386SX-20. Runs NetBSD. Currently sits in the UNIX lab. Putting a 2 TB drive in it Grafting the motherboard to Keith Niedfeldt’s stomach Make it the biggest kick-ass Usenet server anywhere! Throwing it off the top of Hoyt Using it to play Rugby Running … Continue reading

blind dates

MORE THAN FIFTEEN WAYS TO GET RID OF BLIND DATES (and other social catastrophes) 1. At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you’ll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it. 2. Collect the salt shakers from all of … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

halted flights

A dense fog halted all flights from the big airport. The lobby soon filled with passengers eager to be on their way. Most of them philosophically accepted the airlines’ obvious explanation about the fog. One whippersnapperish woman, however, refused to be satisfied. Taking a position directly in front of the … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

Humorously Translated Signs From Around The World

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours – we guarantee no miscarriages. Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass? In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today — no ice cream. In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden … Continue reading

If superhighways were like the internet

“Think of the Internet as a Highway.” There it is again. Some clueless fool talking about the “Information Superhighway.” They don’t know didley about the net. It’s nothing like a superhighway. That’s a rotten metaphor. Suppose the metaphor ran in the other direction. Suppose the highways were like the net. … Continue reading

50 Fun Things Todo in a Final That Doesn’t Matter

You are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam, so: Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes … Continue reading

How Do You Spend Your Time At Work?

Notice to All Employees: It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of “Miscellaneous Unproductive Time” (code 5309). To our department, unproductive time isn’t a problem. What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are … Continue reading

Excerpts from the LA Times

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times (Includes some late night humor) 1996 was ushered in with a 6 foot 500 pound sphere covered with 12,000 rhinestones at Times Square in New York. Elvis lives! For those still recovering from a weekend of football, here is the bowl … Continue reading