blind dates

MORE THAN FIFTEEN WAYS TO GET RID OF BLIND DATES (and other social catastrophes) 1. At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you’ll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it. 2. Collect the salt shakers from all of … Continue reading

Things not to say or do at your thesis defense (part 3 of 6)

148 THINGS (NOT) TO DO OR SAY AT OR FOR YOUR THESIS DEFENSE Written by Master Peter Dutton contributions by Jim Lalopoulos, Alison Berube, and Jeff Cohen, Patricia Whitson and a few others. 51) Leave Jehovah’s Witness pamphlets scattered about. 52) “There will be a short quiz after my presentation…” … Continue reading

Budweiser Method

These three guys are in a bar, having a few beers, and checking out the babes as they enter the establishment. One walks in, rather attractive, and they “discuss” her “rating,” which, of course, is on a 1 to 10 scale. One says, “I’d give her a 7… she’s really … Continue reading

Quotes By Women

I feel convinced that a girl would never let herself be brought to the altar, no, she would probably refuse completely, if she knew *everything*… — Queen Victoria I married below my standards – all women do. — Nancy Astor You meet a lot of smart guys with stupid wives, … Continue reading

Humorously Translated Signs From Around The World

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours – we guarantee no miscarriages. Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass? In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today — no ice cream. In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden … Continue reading

Top Ten Uses For A Deceased PC

Even the most devoted computer junkie cannot hold on to a machine forever. When that box on your desktop finally kicks it, don’t despair–there are always a few uses for a dead PC: Remove the fan and use it to keep cool during heat waves. Hard drives with more than … Continue reading

Are your kids on drugs?

ARE YOUR KIDS ON DRUGS? Many parents today are concerned that their offspring might somehow be involved in the world of illegal pharmaceuticals, or “drugs”. This is a healthy concern. Knowing your kids are “high” is the first step toward helpng them avoid problems with their health, their grades, the … Continue reading

may be offensive to Clintonites

The 23rd Qualm Bill Clinton is my shepherd that I do not want. He maketh many lies about green pastures; He leadeth me beside still factories. He restoreth no faith: he leadeth me in the path of covetousness for His name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of … Continue reading

Steven Wright Quotes and One-Liners

Steven Wright: When I was growing up, my parents had a quick-sandbox. I was an only child… eventually. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time. I used to have a dog. I named him … Continue reading

Business Joke

TEST YOUR BUSINESS SENSE – thanks to Pat Snider and Gary Guibor You are a major defense contractor, and you are building a gun for the Army that is supposed to be able to shoot down enemy planes. So far, the taxpayers have paid you nearly $2 billion for it, … Continue reading

Job Placement Strategy!

Does your organization struggle with the problem of properly fitting people to jobs? Here is a handy hint for ensuring success in job placement. Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for … Continue reading