50 Fun Things for Professors ToDo on the First Day of Class

===================================================== 50 Fun Things for Professors to Do on the First Day of Class ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises. 2. After confirming everyone’s names on the roll, thank the class for attending “Advanced Astrodynamics 690” and mention that yesterday was the last … Continue reading

You Know You’re a Grad Student When…

You just might be a grad student if: you can identify universities by their internet domains. you are constantly looking for a thesis in novels. you have difficulty reading anything that doesn’t have footnotes. you understand jokes about Foucoult. the concept of free time scares you. you consider caffeine to … Continue reading

WHY GOD NEVER RECEIVED TENURE AT THE UNIVERSITY

1. Because he had only one major publication. 2. It was in a foreign journal. 3. It had no references. 4. It wasn’t published in a refereed journal. 5. Questions about authenticity. 6. What has He published since? 7. His cooperative efforts have been very limited. 8. The scientific community … Continue reading

IVY League Humor

1. How many Princeton students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two—one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician. 2. How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb? Eleven—one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience. 3. How many Dartmouth … Continue reading

Getting the Attention Of The Class

Getting and keeping students’ attention, particularly as the semester wears on, is always a problem. I offer my colleagues the following method whereby I gain attention from the first moments of class, and regain it at any time during the year. Purchase one of those ‘gourmet’ candy canes from the … Continue reading

Inverterate Smilers Need a Dose of Reality

One of my fondest curbstone theories has recently been confirmed by genuine scientific research. It has to do with why some people are chronically grouchy and depressed while others are always bubbling with enthusiasm and looking at the bright side of life. A psychologist took a close look at students … Continue reading

Clinton jokes

“On the twelfth day of Clinton, he promised we will see twelve jobs for Hillary, eleven billion for Boris, attention to the deficit, `nein’ to German competitors, aid to Somalia, seven days a week of health care, six billion in aid to students, five folding wings (of the Air Force). … Continue reading

Top Ten Ways the Bible Would Have Been Different if Written by College Students.

Loaves and Fishes replaced by Pizza and Chips Ten Commandments are actually only five, but because they are double-spaced and written in a large font, they look like ten. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn’t dorm food. Paul’s Letters to the Romans become Paul’s E-Mail to the … Continue reading

Why Mozart lost the job

Why Mozart Lost the Job Dear Dean X: I write in response to your suggestion of an appointment to our faculty for a Mr. W. A. Mozart, currently of Vienna, Austria. While the Music Department appreciates your interest, faculty are sensitive about their prerogatives in the selection of new colleagues. … Continue reading

Excerpts from the LA Times

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times (Includes some late night humor) 1996 was ushered in with a 6 foot 500 pound sphere covered with 12,000 rhinestones at Times Square in New York. Elvis lives! For those still recovering from a weekend of football, here is the bowl … Continue reading

Light Bulbs and College Students

How many George Washington students does it take to change a lightbulb? Five–one to change the lightbulb, and four to complain that, for the money they’re paying, someone damn well ought to change the lightbulb for them. How many Carnegie Mellon students does it take to change a lightbulb? Four … Continue reading