Guide to Lecturer-Spotting

It is only now that the alert first year will begin to notice that the majority of his lecturers are actually stranger than the students surrounding him. However it may not yet be entirely clear how varied these examples of mental deformity can be. Here we will go through a … Continue reading

The Top 10 Ways You Can Tell If You’re An Engineering Student

Your standard pick-up line is, “Hey, baby, what’s your URL?” Your car’s oil filter is made out of toilet paper Your graphing calculator has more computing power than a Pentium 200 You window-shop at Radio Shack You’ve ever debated who was a better captain… Kirk or Picard You own more … Continue reading

50 Fun Things for Professors ToDo on the First Day of Class

===================================================== 50 Fun Things for Professors to Do on the First Day of Class ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises. 2. After confirming everyone’s names on the roll, thank the class for attending “Advanced Astrodynamics 690” and mention that yesterday was the last … Continue reading

The Student Mind During A Final Exam

As finals week draws near, I thought “us” college students could use a little refresher on how to take a test……enjoy The last thoughts, and percentages of brain capacity 10% The prof. never covered this section! 10% Actual knowledge on the subject. 10% The T.A.’s kinda cute! 10% I knew … Continue reading

You Know You’re a Grad Student When…

You just might be a grad student if: you can identify universities by their internet domains. you are constantly looking for a thesis in novels. you have difficulty reading anything that doesn’t have footnotes. you understand jokes about Foucoult. the concept of free time scares you. you consider caffeine to … Continue reading

Merry Christmas… A poem email gift.

The Night Before Finals Twas the night before finals, And all through the college, The students were praying For last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy, But none touched their beds, While visions of essays danced in their heads. Out in the taverns, A few were still drinking, And hoping … Continue reading

Revenge of the Exam Proctor…

Finals Scam: Revenge of the Profs. (From a post to Nutworks by Mike Lutz) The Finals Week item, with 50 things to do during a final you know you will flunk, inspires me to pass along this true story from RIT. Acknowledgements are due my colleague Ken Reek, and former … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Inverterate Smilers Need a Dose of Reality

One of my fondest curbstone theories has recently been confirmed by genuine scientific research. It has to do with why some people are chronically grouchy and depressed while others are always bubbling with enthusiasm and looking at the bright side of life. A psychologist took a close look at students … Continue reading

College Vocabulary

Word Descrption ABSENT: (n) The notation generally following your name in a class record. ADMISSIONS OFFICE: (n) Where they take you to get you to admit you’ve mooned the keynote speaker during “new student weekend.” ANATOMY: (n) One of those classes that sounds vaguely risque until you find out what … Continue reading

Smurf Sex

A Joke not suitable for readers under the age of 18.

It’s time to tell the truth about Smurfs. You see, Smurfs are a lot like other folks; they have dreams and ambitions, deep, thoughtful conversations with each other, and good and bad times. “But,” people ask, “do Smurfs have….. you know,…… sex?” The answer is an emphatic and resounding YES! And … Continue reading

perspective on finals

Math Final The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven years ago in a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000 students) for a Calculus final. Apparently this particular calculus teacher (unlike our beloved professor Bonk) wasn’t very well liked. He was one of those guys who would stand at … Continue reading

Academic existance?

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A GRAD STUDENT 6:30 Wake up and lie awake in bed. 6:31 Realize you spent $18 on last night’s dinner, means no eating out for the next 6 weeks. 6:32 Hit snooze button. Go back to sleep. 7:00 Wake up suddenly with heart in … Continue reading

Medical School Quotes

These are actual quotes that I heard first-hand last semester. I thought it might be humorous for you to hear a glimpse of the future (and teachers) of medicine. “The way I see it, I don’t know anything.” –med. student “It’s a powerful thing, vomiting.” –med. student “I sound like … Continue reading

Happy Butt

There was this 2nd grade school teacher and on the first day of school she was going over the rules and wanted everyone to introduce themselves. She told them right off, that one thing she would not tolerate in her classroom was profanity or bad language. So she proceded to … Continue reading

Driving Points Chart

Points Bonus Hit n Run Small furry rodent 10 Small mammal 25 Large mammal 75 Bird-any size 15 50 if airborne Small child 100 50 if on trike Large child 150 50 if on bike High School student 200 100 on skateboard College student 300 200 if drunk Anyone on … Continue reading

finals (again)

The Night Before Finals Twas the night before finals, And all through the college, The students were praying For last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy, But none touched their beds, While visions of essays danced in their heads. Out in the taverns, A few were still drinking, And hoping … Continue reading

cakes and ale

Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued: Proctor: I beg your pardon? Student: Sir, I request that … Continue reading

physics

A physics professor was very strict about attendance, and despised tardiness. Every student caught arriving to class late (especially those interrupting his lecture) was quickly reprimanded in front of the whole class. Students were quick to comment on the professor’s genetics. Well, one day a student entered through the front … Continue reading

assorted

An irate woman once told Churchill, when he was a young man and temporarily sporting a small mustache, “Young man, I like neither your politics nor your mustache.” To which Churchill replied, “Madam, you are not likely to come into contact with either.” – – ———————————————————————— A professor asked a … Continue reading

Philosophy Exam

Okay, we’ve all heard about the philosophy teacher who gave a final exam with the question WHY? and the only person to recieve an A wrote WHY NOT? but how about this one… The philisophy final at U.C.L.A. had many blank pages for the answer to one question: What is … Continue reading