Horror Movie Survival Guide

When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it’s really dead. If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or … Continue reading

How to answer the usual questions asked of Indians?

To help the new wave of incoming students from India, here are the proper answers to awkward questions asked everyday: Q. What does that red dot on women’s forehead mean? A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery skills by target practising by aiming at their wife’s … Continue reading

where are they now?

Some of you may be wondering what ever happened to some famous cartoon characters after they made their big splash. Well, I caught up with a few of them, and these are some of the results: The Grinch Changed his name to Gingrich and became Speaker of the House. Frosty … Continue reading

a horror movie character’s survival guide

* When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it’s really dead. * If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

Governments

The five rules of Socialism: 1. Don’t think 2. If you do think, don’t speak 3. If you think and speak, don’t write 4. If you think, speak and write, don’t sign 5. If you think, spead, write and sign, don’t be surprised How does the Soviet Constitution differ from … Continue reading

what is marriage?

SUBJECT…… THE “LIGHTER” SIDE OF MARRIAGE 1. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!). 2. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. 3. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for … Continue reading

Microsoft Windows for Macintosh Advertising Campaign

I heard that Microsoft is going to come out with a version of Windows for the MacIntosh. I can imagine what the advertisements will be: Are you tired of the user-friendliness of your MacIntosh? Then get Microsoft Windows for MacIntosh, featuring limited on-line help and poor documentation! Why settle for … Continue reading

Win Any Argument

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply … Continue reading