Funny Stories

Two guys were having a slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course, and they didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette. After two hours of waiting, … Continue reading

College Essay

This is an actual essay written by a college applicant. The author, Hugh Gallagher, now attends NYU. 3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU … Continue reading

Guidelines For A Terrible Talk

Presenting data at a conference? Preparing a seminar or lecture? Then you need the Immunology News ‘Guidelines for giving a truly terrible talk’ Strict adherence to the following time-tested guidelines will ensure that both you and your work remain obscure and will guarantee an audience of minimum size at your … Continue reading

True Friend

Friendship is a strange thing… we find ourselves telling each other the deepest detalis of our lives… things we do not even share with the families who raised us… but what is a friend? a confidant? a lover? a shoulder to cry on? an ear to listen? a heart to … Continue reading

How The Angel Got To Be On Top Of The Christmas Tree

It just happened to be one of those dreadful days for Santa… It started of when he woke up groaning with a dreadful headache. But with so many things to do before Christmas Eve a few days later, there was no way that he could permit himself time to rest. … Continue reading

Reality (Femidom)

If you’ve been keeping up with the latest developments in contraceptive technology, you know that a new female condom was put on the U.S. market last year. For those of you who can’t imagine it, the female condom looks something like a small latex windsock with a flexible ring at either end, … Continue reading

How to be a Cool Asian

Wear clothes of two colors: your choice of black or white. Own an alphanumeric pager with a built in answering machine. Own a cellular phone. Have only Asian friends. Speak only in Asian languages. Dress as though you’re headed for a party when you’re actually going to class. If you’re … Continue reading

Top 10 Things You’ll Never Hear a Woman Say

What do you mean today’s our anniversary? Can we not talk to each other tonight? I’d rather just watch TV. Ohh, this diamond is way too big! And for our honeymoon we’re going fishing in Alaska! Can our relationship get a little more physical? I’m tired of being “just friends”. … Continue reading

Product Warnings For Physicists

WARNING: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between Them. HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of … Continue reading

Smurf Sex

A Joke not suitable for readers under the age of 18.

It’s time to tell the truth about Smurfs. You see, Smurfs are a lot like other folks; they have dreams and ambitions, deep, thoughtful conversations with each other, and good and bad times. “But,” people ask, “do Smurfs have….. you know,…… sex?” The answer is an emphatic and resounding YES! And … Continue reading

Driving Points Chart

Points Bonus Hit n Run Small furry rodent 10 Small mammal 25 Large mammal 75 Bird-any size 15 50 if airborne Small child 100 50 if on trike Large child 150 50 if on bike High School student 200 100 on skateboard College student 300 200 if drunk Anyone on … Continue reading

How The Grinch Stole Christmas

Every Who Down in Who-ville Liked Christmas a lot… But the Grinch, Who lived just north of Who-ville, Did NOT! The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season! Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason. It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right. It … Continue reading

People I Can Do Without

Guys in their 50’s named “skip”. Anyone who pays for vaginal jelly with an exxon credit card. An airline pilot who’s wearing two different shoes. A proctologist with poor depth perception. A pimp who drives a Toyota corolla. A gynaecologist who wants his patients to have three or four drinks … Continue reading

Intresting News Stories from around the World.

Compiled by Ivan Weiss. From The Seattle Times, Saturday, October 14, 1995. A small group of policemen are trying to change a negative image of Bangkok law enforcement and ease driver tensions by dancing as they direct traffic. Twelve Ventura, Calif., cheerleaders crammed into a Voltswagen Bug during a contest. … Continue reading

college hopeful

A College Entrance Exam An actual essay written by a college applicant to SPU; the author was accepted and is now attending SPU. 3A. IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION: ARE … Continue reading

50 Fun Things Todo in a Final That Doesn’t Matter

You are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam, so: Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes … Continue reading

How do they do it ?

Anthropologists do it with culture. Archeologists do it with mummies. Architects do it late. Bankers do it with interest, but pay for early withdrawl. Bayseians probably do it. Boy Scouts do it in the woods. C++ programmers do it with class. C++ programmers do it with private members and public … Continue reading

Star Trek Top Ten April Fool’s Jokes on the Enterprise

Everybody act like Riker is the captain Pretend you’ve been taken over by an alien being Program the replicator in Troi’s room so that it won’t make chocolate Replay file tape of Borg ship on main viewer Tell Data that Starfleet has decided to dismantle him Put a small speaker … Continue reading