The First Aid Treatment of Minor Mishaps

COMPLAINT SYMPTOMS TREATMENT APPENDICITIS Pain in right lower abdomen. Nausea, possible vomiting and fever. Who cares? It’s a vestigial organ anyway. Give him an aspirin. BURNS and SCALDS Redness, mild swelling, and pain. Blisters may develop. Peel away dead skin. Rub vigorously to encourage good circulation. CONVULSION Strong, jerking movements; … Continue reading

Top 10 Bombshells in THE STARR REPORT

In 1986, Al Gore was replaced with an android Monica’s pet name for Clinton’s penis is “Skin Force One” Donna Shalala is actually a bastard daughter of Marge Schott Hillary and Janet Reno are lovers Hidden cameras were planted throughout the Oval Orifice Office by Jerry Springer Monica Lewinsky is … Continue reading

Reasons why cucumbers are better than beer

Reasons Why Cucumbers are Better than Beer —————————————— Cucumbers won’t give you a hangover. Cucumbers have fewer calories. Your wife won’t complain as much about you sitting around all day watching TV and eating cucumbers. You can grow your own cucumbers without buying lots of equipment. Your wife won’t complain … Continue reading

Smurf Sex

A Joke not suitable for readers under the age of 18.

It’s time to tell the truth about Smurfs. You see, Smurfs are a lot like other folks; they have dreams and ambitions, deep, thoughtful conversations with each other, and good and bad times. “But,” people ask, “do Smurfs have….. you know,…… sex?” The answer is an emphatic and resounding YES! And … Continue reading

Microsoft Windows for Macintosh Advertising Campaign

I heard that Microsoft is going to come out with a version of Windows for the MacIntosh. I can imagine what the advertisements will be: Are you tired of the user-friendliness of your MacIntosh? Then get Microsoft Windows for MacIntosh, featuring limited on-line help and poor documentation! Why settle for … Continue reading

Herman the Poison Platypus

_Herman the Poison Platypus_ (to the tune of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer) Had a very lethal duck bill. And if he ever bit you, You would become very ill. (And you die..) All of the other platypusses Thought that Herman was a creep. They used to taunt and tease him … Continue reading

First Aid Part II

Part two of First Aid. HEAT High temperature. Pale and Lock up victim in walk-in EXHAUSTION clammy skin, or hot and freezer for 1-2 hours. flushed skin. Headache and weakness. Possible nausea. INSECT BITES Pain and redness at the Capture insect and mash to and STINGS site of the sting … Continue reading