Notice of Increased Tax Payments

NOTICE OF INCREASED TAX PAYMENT Effective January 1, 1997 TO ALL MALE TAXPAYERS OF THE US: Gentlemen: The only thing the United States has not taxed is your peter! Mostly because 98% of the time it is out of work and 2% of the time it is in the hole. … Continue reading

Reality (Femidom)

If you’ve been keeping up with the latest developments in contraceptive technology, you know that a new female condom was put on the U.S. market last year. For those of you who can’t imagine it, the female condom looks something like a small latex windsock with a flexible ring at either end, … Continue reading

Just Married

A Young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, “here put these on.” She put them on and the waist was twice the size … Continue reading

classifieds

FROM THE CLASSIFIEDS 2 female Boston terrier puppies, 7 wks old, perfect markings, 555- 1234. Leave mess. Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. Dinner Special–turkey $2.35; chicken or beef $2.25; children … Continue reading

Smurf Sex

A Joke not suitable for readers under the age of 18.

It’s time to tell the truth about Smurfs. You see, Smurfs are a lot like other folks; they have dreams and ambitions, deep, thoughtful conversations with each other, and good and bad times. “But,” people ask, “do Smurfs have….. you know,…… sex?” The answer is an emphatic and resounding YES! And … Continue reading

32 Reasons Why Cookie Dough Is Better Than Men

It’s enjoyable hard or soft. It makes a mess too, but it tastes better. It doesn’t mind if you take your anger out on it. You always want to swallow. It won’t complain if you share it with friends. It’s “quick and convenient”. You can enjoy it more than once. … Continue reading

Johnson

Johnson Weedwackers: Its easy to trim a little bush-when you gotta big Johnson. Johnson Volleyballs: The world’s largest It’s not how hard you spike your balls, but its the size of your Johnson that counts. Johnson’s Gym: Hang with the Huge! Johnson Mountain Biking: No Hill’s too Big, No Valley’s … Continue reading

Top 25 Reasons that Hockey is Better than Sex

It’s ok to bleed during play. If it’s a bad game, you can call a time out. Every player usually has two or three sticks to choose from. There is a limit to the sizes of all equipment. You can still play when you get married. You can change on … Continue reading

Top 10 Sexually Tilted Lines in “Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back”

“And I thought they smelled bad…on the *outside*!” “Possible he came in through the south entrance.” “I must’ve hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, kid?” “Hurry up, golden-rod…” “That’s okay, I’d like to keep it on manual control for a … Continue reading

Reply to: Notice of Increased Tax Payments

I need to Reply to : NOTICE OF INCREASED TAX PAYMENT Effective January 1, 1997 Dear President Clinton, I have a few questions on your new “peter tax” that I need to ask to accertain that I fill out the Tax Form properly. 1. You mentioned a tax amount that … Continue reading

[fwd-humor] Evolution of a Programmer

The Evolution of a Programmer —————————– High School/Jr.High =================== 10 PRINT “HELLO WORLD” 20 END First year in College ===================== program Hello(input, output) begin writeln(‘Hello World’) end. Senior year in College ====================== (defun hello (print (cons ‘Hello (list ‘World)))) New professional ================ #include void main(void) { char *message[] = {“Hello … Continue reading

Computers must be male

Top 10 reasons computers must be male: ======================================== 10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. 9. A better model is always just around the corner. 8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home. 7. It is always necessary to have a backup. 6. … Continue reading

Remember the guy…

whose wife cut off his dick? Well… —————————————— I know that this is a painful subject, but us humans use different ways to cope with a tragedy. Most of the times it involves humor. Here are some limericks from Mike Royko’s column in the Baltimore Sun. There once was a … Continue reading

Motorcycles and men

—————————————————————— Reasons Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Men ______________________________________________ A motorcycle can go for more than one ride in an hour. Motorcycles never develop spare tires. Motorcycles last longer. Motorcycles don’t get you pregnant. A motorcycle doesn’t care what time of month it is. Motorcycles don’t have parents. Your motorcycle … Continue reading

Why the Ethernet (Internet, Bitnet, etc..) Is Like a Penis

It can be up or down. It’s more fun when it’s up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done. In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that’s the only thing … Continue reading

Why Mozart lost the job

Why Mozart Lost the Job Dear Dean X: I write in response to your suggestion of an appointment to our faculty for a Mr. W. A. Mozart, currently of Vienna, Austria. While the Music Department appreciates your interest, faculty are sensitive about their prerogatives in the selection of new colleagues. … Continue reading

Excerpts from the LA Times

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times (Includes some late night humor) 1996 was ushered in with a 6 foot 500 pound sphere covered with 12,000 rhinestones at Times Square in New York. Elvis lives! For those still recovering from a weekend of football, here is the bowl … Continue reading