Shit Happens In Various Professions

Profession Shit Happens Mathematician Shit happening is just a special case… Statistician There is an 83.7% chance that shit will happen. Maybe. Physicist (Theoretical) Shit SHOULD happen. Physicist (Experimental) To within experimental error, shit DID happen. Engineer I hope this shit holds together. Chemist I hope this shit doesn’t blow … Continue reading

Shit Happens According To The Philospohers

Philosopher Shit Happens Thales Earth, Air, Fire, and Shit Epicurus If shit happens, enjoy it. Socrates What is shit? Why is shit? Aristotle The essence of shittyness… Archimedes Hmmm… why doesn’t this shit float? Give me a place to stand and I’ll move any piece of shit. Descartes I think, … Continue reading

Shit Happens in Other Various Ways

Yuppie Shit It’s my shit! All mine! Isn’t it beautiful? An Employer Shit happens, and rolls down hill. You may only shit during coffee breaks. An Employee I’ve done my shit, so can I take the day off? This shit’s not part of my contract. Environmentalism Shit is biodegradable. Political … Continue reading

Shit Happens in Various World Religions

Religion Shit Happens Taoism Shit happens. If you can shit, it isn’t shit. Shit happens, so flow with it. Hare Krishna Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding. She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens, she-it, she-it… (Repeat until you become one with she-it) Please this flower and buy our shit. Confucianism … Continue reading

Stress:

“The confusion created when one’s mind overrides the body’s basic desire to choke the living shit out of some asshole who desperately needs it.”

All systems go

Shit!! What the hell!? Go get your backup tape. (You DO have a backup tape?) That’s SOOOOO bizarre. Wow!! Look at this….. Terminated??! What software license? Well, it’s doing SOMETHING….. Wow….that seemed FAST….. What do you mean that wasn’t a copy? It didn’t do that a minute ago… The drive … Continue reading

a story with morals

IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY ONCE UPON A TIME. THERE WAS A NONCONFORMING SPARROW WHO DECIDED NOT TO FLY SOUTH FOR THE WINTER. HOWEVER, SOON THE WEATHER TURNED SO COLD THAT HE RELUCTANTLY STARTED TO FLY SOUTH. IN A SHORT TIME ICE BEGAN TO FORM ON HIS WINGS AND HE FELL … Continue reading

Twelve days of Christmas

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS December 14th Dearest John, I went to the door today and the postman had delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. With deepest love and devotion, Agnes December 15th Dearest John, Today the postman … Continue reading

Things Never To Say During Sex

is it in? that’s it? you’ve got to be kidding me. (phone rings) hello? oh nothing and you? do i have to pay for this? do i have to call you tomorrow? oh momma, momma! oh dadda, dadda! you look better in the dark. this is much better than my … Continue reading

World Religions Explained

Comparative Analysis of World Religious Philosophies —————————————————- Taoism * shit happens Confucianism * Confucius say, “shit happens” Buddhism * shit happening is an illusion Islam * shit happening is the will of Allah Zen * what is the sound of shit happening? Hinduism * this shit has happened before Catholicism … Continue reading

Shit Stuff

subjective i feel for your shit happening objective it is logical that shit happens pharisee shit only happens to bad people physicist calculates the velocity of shit happening news reporter wants a scoop on the shit happening fundamentalist you deserve the shit that happens to you the i.r.s. “are you … Continue reading

How to Clean Up Your Bad Language

It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with other employees. Due to complaints received from some employees who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. Nonetheless we … Continue reading

CPU Message Translation

Here is a “quick guide” to what your PC means when it gives you on-screen messages: Message: Bad command or file name Meaning: You idiot, you can’t even get the file name right. Or else the file doesn’t even exist, in which case you are stupid beyond mortal comprehension. Message: … Continue reading