What NOT To Put in a Resume Cover Letter

“I’m really keen to work for you – I hear the drugs are good.” “I regret that I have no references. Unfortunately every company I have worked for has since closed down.” “I’ll kill myself if I don’t get a job.” “I know where you live.” Any sentence beginning with … Continue reading

Two Italian men talking

A bus stops and two obviously Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: “Emma come first. Den I come. Two … Continue reading

The Great Budget Debate

The country was in a terrible state, when field arose in the budget debate. it was quite a few minutes before he spoke, and he said sex will cost two dollars a poke. when he assured, long, thin or thick, tax will be paid on the size of your dick. … Continue reading

Nerd Test

1. A friend opens a magazine full of scantily-clad members of your preferred sex. Do you: Openly Ogle Act Non-Chalant Comment “Gee, that’s got to be at least 400 dpi, colour!” Slip the hand down the pants for a bit of good, old-fashioned executive relief. 2. You’re at a party. … Continue reading

Rules to be a Man (more)

RULES TO BE A MAN (2) 50. Ignorance solves problems. If you can’t see them, they can’t see you. 51. It is never your duty to take responsibility for your actions. 52. Create new words and phrases to describe genitalia, sex, semen, etc. 53. Complain about not getting any mail. … Continue reading

Men and Women

WOMEN Because woman’s work is never done and is underpaid or unpaid or boring or repetitious and we’re the first to get the sack and what we look like is more important than what we do and if we get raped it’s our fault and if we get bashed we … Continue reading

Amusing Quotes

smile, its the second best thing you can do with your lips sex is like air, its not important unless you aren’t getting any. never take life seriously. nobody gets out alive anyways if vegetable oil is made of vegetables, what is baby oil made of? no guts, no glory, … Continue reading

Sex Maths

Scientists have determined that the average time for intercourse is four minutes. The average number of strokes per minute is nine, and since the average length is six inches, the average girl receives two hundred and sixteen inches or eighteen feet per intercourse. The average girl does it three times … Continue reading

Things Never To Say During Sex

is it in? that’s it? you’ve got to be kidding me. (phone rings) hello? oh nothing and you? do i have to pay for this? do i have to call you tomorrow? oh momma, momma! oh dadda, dadda! you look better in the dark. this is much better than my … Continue reading

Murphy’s Laws on Sex (long)

MURPHY’S LAWS ON SEX ——————– 1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings. 2. Nothing improves with age. 3. No matter how many times you’ve had it, if it’s offered take it, because it’ll never be quite … Continue reading

Why the Ethernet (Internet, Bitnet, etc..) Is Like a Penis

It can be up or down. It’s more fun when it’s up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done. In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that’s the only thing … Continue reading

Top Ten Reasons Studying is Better Than Sex!

You can usually find someone to do it with. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place, and pick up where you left off. You can finish early without feelings of guilt or shame. When you open a book, you don’t have to worry about who else has … Continue reading

50 Fun Things Todo in a Final That Doesn’t Matter

You are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam, so: Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes … Continue reading

Lunch (sexual)

One day a fish was swimming in a lake, and he noticed a fly buzzing around above him. He thought, “If that fly would only come down four inches I could jump and get it and have my lunch.” There was a bear watching the fish from the nearby woods … Continue reading

Running vs. Sex

Running vs. Sex RUNNING SEX ——- — Useful Fabric Coolmax Latex Best place to do it Outdoors Outdoors Reasons to do it alone High-Quality Don’t have to buy reflection time someone dinner Length of typical session 30 to 60 minutes 30 to 60 seconds Mystical connection If done right, see … Continue reading

Law – As It Should Be

Two gentlemen were walking down the avenue, when they saw a well dressed, attractive woman walking in front of them. Said one: “I’d give $50.00 to spend the night with that woman.” To their surprise, the young woman overheard the remark, turned around and said: “I’ll take you up on … Continue reading

Tickling Trivia

1. What’s in front of a woman and back of a cow? The letter W 2. What’s starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid? A coconut 3. What’s about 6 inches long, has a vein running down it and … Continue reading

Dilbert – The New Sex Symbol Of The `90s

by Scott Adams (scottadams@aol.com) I get about 100 e-mail messages a day from readers of my comic strip “Dilbert.” Most are from disgruntled office workers, psychopaths, stalkers, comic-strip fans — that sort of person. But a growing number are from women who write to say they think Dilbert is sexy. … Continue reading

If Food was Dirty

“. . . there are only two things you need to make people. You got to have sex. You got to have food. . . But for some reason, sex is dirty. Maybe God was a Republican. Somebody said, ‘All right, you want to propogate, go ahead, but only late … Continue reading