Another 10 Bumper Stickers

“Disney World – A people trap operated by a mouse” “Wanted: women, no experience necessary. Contact Mars.” “I love cats. They taste just like chicken” “If it weren’t for politicians, we wouldn’t need assault rifles!” “Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician” “Lead me not into temptation…I can find it myself” … Continue reading

Condom Joke

A (nationality-impaired) gentleman went to his local pharmacy to purchase some condoms. After browsing for a bit, he picked a package and took it up to the cash register. The clerk looked at the package and said “That will be $7.95 plus tax.” Our hero, a startled look coming over … Continue reading

Rules for Men

RULES TO BE A MAN 1. Don’t call, ever. 2. If you don’t like a girl, don’t tell her. It’s more fun to let her figure it out by herself. 3. Lie. 4. Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic and unoriginal, such as spike. 5. If you … Continue reading

Virgin’s Guide to Love and Sex

As a young, modern virgin of the nineties, you no doubt have many questions concerning romance, love, even s..e..x. In this sensitive and frank “question and answer” format, noted sex therapist Dr Ruth explains everythiong you’ve ever wondered about. Q: Where can I find the man of my dreams ? … Continue reading

Rules To Be A Man

(100 ways to keep your Testosterone flowing) Don’t call, ever. If you don’t like a girl, don’t tell her. It’s more fun to let her figure itout by herself. Lie. Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic and unoriginal, such as “spike” If you lose something that belongs … Continue reading

Chivalry Is Not Dead; The Sexist Pigs’ Guide To Chivalry In The 90s

Chivalry is not dead, it’s just gone into hiding. With the emergence of strong, assertive women who construe certain gestures of common courtesy as a sign of weakness and a hangable offense, gentlemen have to be careful of who they hold that door open for. Each man must devise his … Continue reading

Top 10 Reasons To Date a Computer Geek

0000 You don’t have to worry about X-girlfriends 0001 You know they’ll be up all night long. 0010 They take virus protection seriously. 0011 They’re just like a network, they often go down on you. 0100 They don’t BYTE (but they do NIBBLE a little) 1010 They may just live … Continue reading

Reality (Femidom)

If you’ve been keeping up with the latest developments in contraceptive technology, you know that a new female condom was put on the U.S. market last year. For those of you who can’t imagine it, the female condom looks something like a small latex windsock with a flexible ring at either end, … Continue reading

Your Favorite Color is the Key to Your Sexual Life

COLOR IS THE KEY TO YOUR SEXUAL LIFE _________________________________________________________________ *************************************************************************** STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP! Before you read this, decide what your favorite color is. No looking ahead or changing your mind, either. Got it? Ok, read on… **************************************************************************** _________________________________________________________________ … Continue reading

Budweiser Method

These three guys are in a bar, having a few beers, and checking out the babes as they enter the establishment. One walks in, rather attractive, and they “discuss” her “rating,” which, of course, is on a 1 to 10 scale. One says, “I’d give her a 7… she’s really … Continue reading

SEXX Programmers Guide-C-Version

PREFACE: I am trying to write a program that enables computers to engage in sexual intercourse with a willing and able partner (over a LAN or the Internet?). In order for me to do that, I must first teach the programmers writing this code what SEX is. That can only … Continue reading

Miscellaneous Rant

ON CLOTHES I once had a leather jacket that got ruined in the rain. Why does moisture ruin leather? Aren’t cows outside a lot of the time? When it’s raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, “Let us in! We’re all wearing leather! Open the door! We’re going to … Continue reading

Laws Of The Internet

First Law: Netlag is the Lowest Common Denominator. Second Law: When you need to be Somewhere, You Can’t Get There. Third Law: The Sysop is Actually a Minion of Evil. Fourth Law: When Sysop is Unavailable, all usually goes Well. Fifth Law: You Will Never Have Enough Quota. Sixth Law: … Continue reading

Beavis and Butthead Pickup Lines

Uh, hey baby. Uh, do you like come here often, huh huh. I said “come.” You need a man in your life, baby. And like, I need a woman. Let’s like get into each other’s life or whatever. Uh, like let’s drop all the uh B.S. and like, you know, … Continue reading

Smurf Sex

A Joke not suitable for readers under the age of 18.

It’s time to tell the truth about Smurfs. You see, Smurfs are a lot like other folks; they have dreams and ambitions, deep, thoughtful conversations with each other, and good and bad times. “But,” people ask, “do Smurfs have….. you know,…… sex?” The answer is an emphatic and resounding YES! And … Continue reading

Smurf; Biological Reproduction and Cultural Development

One of the great mysteries that has puzzled men and women of the current 15-25 year-old generation is the riddle of the smurfs. Where exactly did they come from? How on earth do they reproduce? Where did Papa Smurf come from? Is smucking a real smurf cultural event? Here, after … Continue reading

Are You Normal?

(Facts about us Americans. Did you know that…) Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils. 21% of us don’t make our bed daily. 5% of us never do. Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly. 40% of women … Continue reading

Loony Sex Laws that You Never Knew You Were Breaking

Excerpts from Robert Wayne Pelton’s Loony Sex Laws that You Never Knew You Were Breaking (Walker and Company): In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it’s illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm. It’s against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for … Continue reading

Elderly Man

A ninety year old man is sitting on a park bench crying. The police drive by and see him. They stop to see what is wrong. Police: “What’s wrong?” Elderly Man: “I’m married to a twenty year old woman.” (Continues to cry) Police: “Sir, that’s nothing to cry about, you … Continue reading

Top 25 Reasons that Hockey is Better than Sex

It’s ok to bleed during play. If it’s a bad game, you can call a time out. Every player usually has two or three sticks to choose from. There is a limit to the sizes of all equipment. You can still play when you get married. You can change on … Continue reading

Unix error messages (brian, you’ll like this)

These are actual error messages you can receive when typing in the following messages at a UNIX command prompt. % rm meese-ethics rm: meese-ethics nonexistent % ar m God ar: God does not exist % “How would you rate Reagan’s incompetence? Unmatched “. % [Where is Jimmy Hoffa? Missing ]. … Continue reading

Different Ways to Get Your Male Roommate to Bug Off

Get him laid. That’s what he really needs. He will stop paying attention to you and pay attention to someone else. Use the direct approach. When he comes in, say, “I’m doing homework now. Can I talk to you later?.” If that’s too polite, say “Go away now. I’m doing … Continue reading

What Not to Name Your Dog

Everyone who has a dog names him “Rover” or “Spot“. I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, “Me too.” Then … Continue reading

Man on the Moon (by request)

A true story . . . . When Apollo Mission Astronaut, Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous “One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for Mankind” statement, but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and … Continue reading