FBI and Pizza

The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME; the author who introduces the story swears it’s true. FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours … Continue reading

New Teacher Regulations

TO: ALL STAFF FROM: OFFICE OF SUPERINTENDANT RE: TEACHER IN SERVICE TRAINING SCHEDULE (T.I.T.S) In accordance with recent changes in the State Education Law, our district is now required to supply bigger and better T.I.T.S for each employee. We are therefore, pleased to announce the implementation of the Special High … Continue reading

More Stupid American Laws

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke! Alabama It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. California Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to … Continue reading

Church Announcements

Believe it or not, the following announcements actually appeared in various church bulletins. 1. Don’t let worry kill you — let the church help. 2. Thursday night – Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. 3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. 4. … Continue reading

Died in Service

A young boy and his father were standing in church foyer, looking at a memorial dedicated to all the men and women who had died in war. “What’s that Daddy?”, the little boy asked. “It’s a memorial to all the people who have died in service, son”, the father replied. … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

letterman top ten lists

September 22, 1993 ================================================== Top ten signs you’ve lost control of your country ================================================== 10. At big public ceremonies, secret service guys play keep-away with your hat 9. People see you at the self-service pump filling up your pacer 8. Sharp drop in sales of “Yeltsersizer” workout machine 7. Stolichnaya … Continue reading

Machine Service

How to get better service on your new machine 1. Do not call for service until everyone concerned has had time to form an opinion as to what is wrong. allow each person a chance to correct the problem, whenever possible, all controls and adjusting screws should be turned. 2. … Continue reading

Top Ten Reasons Churches Don’t Ask Clown Ministries to Return

10. They force people to smile during the 8 am service. 9. It’s hard to say with dignity, “The sermon today will be given by Brother Umpa-Doody.” 8. Whoopee cushions inevitably appear under the pew cushions. 7. Sermons take a lot longer when they are in pantomime. 6. Clowns wearing … Continue reading

Hard To Find Collectables

Official Dan Rostenkowski postage stamp dispensers American Lung Association ash trays M.A.D.D. 12 volt beer coolers American Heart Association butter molds A.S.P.C.A. riding crops Branch Davidian matchbook covers Womens’ Temperance League brandy snifters A.A. shot glasses USMC issue ear rings Save-The-Whales scrimshaw whaling ships “I Visited the World Trade Center” … Continue reading

Top Ten Signs You’ve Lost Control Of Your Country

At big public ceremonies, secret service guys play keep-away with your hat People see you at the self-service pump filling up your pacer Sharp drop in sales of “Yeltsersizer” workout machine Stolichnaya withdraws its corporate sponsorship of your presidency You misspell “potato” and no one cares Your mother asks if … Continue reading

CPU Message Translation

Here is a “quick guide” to what your PC means when it gives you on-screen messages: Message: Bad command or file name Meaning: You idiot, you can’t even get the file name right. Or else the file doesn’t even exist, in which case you are stupid beyond mortal comprehension. Message: … Continue reading

Excerpts from the LA Times

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times (Includes some late night humor) 1996 was ushered in with a 6 foot 500 pound sphere covered with 12,000 rhinestones at Times Square in New York. Elvis lives! For those still recovering from a weekend of football, here is the bowl … Continue reading