CERT Advisory

======================================================================= CERT(sm) Advisory CA-96.13 July 4, 1996 Topic: ID4 virus, Alien/OS Vulnerability ———————————————————————– The CERT Coordination Center has received reports of weaknesses in Alien/OS that can allow species with primitive information sciences technology to initiate denial-of-service attacks against MotherShip(tm) hosts. One report of exploitation of this bug has been received. … Continue reading

32 Reasons Why Cookie Dough Is Better Than Men

It’s enjoyable hard or soft. It makes a mess too, but it tastes better. It doesn’t mind if you take your anger out on it. You always want to swallow. It won’t complain if you share it with friends. It’s “quick and convenient”. You can enjoy it more than once. … Continue reading

Driving Points Chart

Points Bonus Hit n Run Small furry rodent 10 Small mammal 25 Large mammal 75 Bird-any size 15 50 if airborne Small child 100 50 if on trike Large child 150 50 if on bike High School student 200 100 on skateboard College student 300 200 if drunk Anyone on … Continue reading

Pizza Intelligence: An Update

Note: OPSEC is short for “Operations Security”, i.e. ensuring a potential enemy cannot determine what you’re about to do. Earlier this year [1991], we reported that Domino’s Pizza claims it can predict when the government is about to undertake some sort of major activity based upon the increase in pizza … Continue reading

Top Ten Reasons Why The Three Stooges Could Easily Take Command of the Enterprise

10) Troi would not comprehend their emotions: “Captain, I sense…whoo! whoo! …You numbskull…. Why, I oughta…” 9) Riker will be reduced to tears when they call him “Fat Boy.” 8) Transporter. Cream pie. You get the picture. 7) Curly could jam turbolifts with his head, rendering security unable to leave … Continue reading

T.H.E.Y.

Who is “they” anyway? “They,” of course, are a little-known Federal agency supported by YOUR tax dollars. Cloaked in more secrecy than the NSA, “they” are located in the dungeon of another Federal building at the corner of 7th St. and Independence Ave. NW. “Their” annual operating budget is well … Continue reading

Reasons To Stay At Work All Night

1) Act out your version of company takeover 2) Find a way to change everyone’s password to “chrysanthemum” 3) Around 3:20am, play connect the dots with lights still on in other office buildings. Keep going until you see a small woodland creature. 4) Sneaking in the boss’s desk could land … Continue reading

Excerpts from the LA Times

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times (Includes some late night humor) 1996 was ushered in with a 6 foot 500 pound sphere covered with 12,000 rhinestones at Times Square in New York. Elvis lives! For those still recovering from a weekend of football, here is the bowl … Continue reading