You Know You Are Addicted to the Internet When…

You actually wore a blue ribbon to protest the Communications Decency Act. You kiss your girlfriend’s home page. Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom. Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them. You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search. You refuse … Continue reading

The Top 17 Rejected Titles for the Movie “Twister”

The Top 17 Rejected Titles for the Movie “Twister” “Totally Gone With The Wind” “Lift and Separate” “Boys on the Side — Of My Barn” “Summer Film So Full of Special Effects We Couldn’t Fit in the Plot” “The Weather Channel: The Movie” “Schindler’s Twist” “Field of Debris” “Dead Man Flying” … Continue reading

SEXX Programmers Guide-C-Version

PREFACE: I am trying to write a program that enables computers to engage in sexual intercourse with a willing and able partner (over a LAN or the Internet?). In order for me to do that, I must first teach the programmers writing this code what SEX is. That can only … Continue reading

Inverterate Smilers Need a Dose of Reality

One of my fondest curbstone theories has recently been confirmed by genuine scientific research. It has to do with why some people are chronically grouchy and depressed while others are always bubbling with enthusiasm and looking at the bright side of life. A psychologist took a close look at students … Continue reading

Smurf; Biological Reproduction and Cultural Development

One of the great mysteries that has puzzled men and women of the current 15-25 year-old generation is the riddle of the smurfs. Where exactly did they come from? How on earth do they reproduce? Where did Papa Smurf come from? Is smucking a real smurf cultural event? Here, after … Continue reading

Microsoft Windows for Macintosh Advertising Campaign

I heard that Microsoft is going to come out with a version of Windows for the MacIntosh. I can imagine what the advertisements will be: Are you tired of the user-friendliness of your MacIntosh? Then get Microsoft Windows for MacIntosh, featuring limited on-line help and poor documentation! Why settle for … Continue reading

T.H.E.Y.

Who is “they” anyway? “They,” of course, are a little-known Federal agency supported by YOUR tax dollars. Cloaked in more secrecy than the NSA, “they” are located in the dungeon of another Federal building at the corner of 7th St. and Independence Ave. NW. “Their” annual operating budget is well … Continue reading

Phrack Magazine, Volume Five, Issue Forty-Six, File 9 of 28

==Phrack Magazine== Volume Five, Issue Forty-Six, File 9 of 28 **************************************************************************** Legal Info by Szechuan Death OK. This document applies only to United States citizens: if you are a citizen of some other fascist country, don’t come whining to me when this doesn’t work….. 🙂 Make no mistake: I’m not … Continue reading