100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

signs that technology has taken over (3 of 3)

Signs That Technology Has Taken Over Your Life (Part 3 of 3) 21. You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you something, but you think it’s okay for a computer to call and demand that you start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive … Continue reading

Abort, Retry, Ignore?

Abort, Retry, Ignore? (To the meter of “The Raven” by Edgar Allen Poe…) Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bedsheets, Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets: Having reached the bottom line, … Continue reading

50 Ways to Confuse, Worry, or Just Scare the Bejeezus Out of People in the Computer Lab

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream “Oh my God! They’ve found me!” and bolt. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you. When your computer is turned off, complain to … Continue reading

Computer proficient canines

Reasons Dogs Don’t Use Computers 20 Can’t stick their heads out of Windows ’95. 19 Fetch command not available on all platforms. 18 Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side. 17 Too difficult to “mark” every website they visit. 16 Can’t help attacking the screen … Continue reading

If They Were Alive…

The San Jose Mercury-News requested readers to submit their ideas of what certain deceased celebrities might be doing on TV if they were alive today. Here are some of the responses. If Albert Einstein were alive today, he’d be: A. trying to figure out how to program his VCR. B. … Continue reading

Beware Of The Latest Computer Viruses

AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS – You E-mail L.A., but your attachment winds up in Dallas. HEALTH CARE VIRUS – Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500. PAUL REVERE VIRUS – This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending … Continue reading