Shit Happens In Various Professions

Profession Shit Happens Mathematician Shit happening is just a special case… Statistician There is an 83.7% chance that shit will happen. Maybe. Physicist (Theoretical) Shit SHOULD happen. Physicist (Experimental) To within experimental error, shit DID happen. Engineer I hope this shit holds together. Chemist I hope this shit doesn’t blow … Continue reading

Scientist and the Minah Birds

A scientist at the University of Memphis has discovered part of the secret of eternal life — by use of a special, rather exotic, diet, he has succeeded in prolonging indefinitely the life-span of a group of porpoises. Part of this diet includes the meat of Minah birds, a tropical … Continue reading

Inverterate Smilers Need a Dose of Reality

One of my fondest curbstone theories has recently been confirmed by genuine scientific research. It has to do with why some people are chronically grouchy and depressed while others are always bubbling with enthusiasm and looking at the bright side of life. A psychologist took a close look at students … Continue reading

Sex Maths

Scientists have determined that the average time for intercourse is four minutes. The average number of strokes per minute is nine, and since the average length is six inches, the average girl receives two hundred and sixteen inches or eighteen feet per intercourse. The average girl does it three times … Continue reading

The Scientist and the Poet on a Train

There were once two people travelling on a train, a scientist and a poet, who were riding in the same compartment. They had never met before, so naturally, there wasn’t much conversation between the two. The poet was minding his own business, looking out the window at the beauty of … Continue reading

Quotes

Johnny Hart’s comic strip “B.C.”: “If man evolved from the ape, how come there are still apes around? Some of them were given choices.” This one is my favorite: Bill Watterson, cartoonist: “Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of … Continue reading