Shit Happens in Various World Religions

Religion Shit Happens Taoism Shit happens. If you can shit, it isn’t shit. Shit happens, so flow with it. Hare Krishna Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding. She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens, she-it, she-it… (Repeat until you become one with she-it) Please this flower and buy our shit. Confucianism … Continue reading

New Teacher Regulations

TO: ALL STAFF FROM: OFFICE OF SUPERINTENDANT RE: TEACHER IN SERVICE TRAINING SCHEDULE (T.I.T.S) In accordance with recent changes in the State Education Law, our district is now required to supply bigger and better T.I.T.S for each employee. We are therefore, pleased to announce the implementation of the Special High … Continue reading

Kids Ideas About Science

The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and class room discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders. They illustrate Mark Twain’s contention that the ‘most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.’ Question: What is one horsepower? … Continue reading

you might be an engineering major if …

YOU MIGHT BE AN ENGINEERING MAJOR… If you have no life – and you can PROVE it mathematically. If you enjoy pain. If you know vector calculus, but you can’t remember how to do long division. If you chuckle whenever anyone says “centrifugal force.” If you’ve actually used every single … Continue reading

YOU MIGHT BE A PHYSICS MAJOR…

if you have no life – and you can PROVE it mathematically. if you enjoy pain. if you know vector calculus but you can’t remember how to do long division. if you chuckle whenever anyone says “centrifugal force.” if you’ve actually used every single function on your graphing calculator. if … Continue reading

more quotes

I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat. — Will Rogers I can’t understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. — Fred Allen I do not feel obliged to believe that … Continue reading

Real Programmers

Don’t eat quiche. Real programmers don’t even know how to spell Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food. Don’t write application programs. They program right down to the bare metal. Application programs are for dullards who can’t do system programming. Don’t write specs. Users should be grateful for … Continue reading

Why the Ethernet (Internet, Bitnet, etc..) Is Like a Penis

It can be up or down. It’s more fun when it’s up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done. In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that’s the only thing … Continue reading

50 Fun Things Todo in a Final That Doesn’t Matter

You are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam, so: Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes … Continue reading

World Religions Explained

Comparative Analysis of World Religious Philosophies —————————————————- Taoism * shit happens Confucianism * Confucius say, “shit happens” Buddhism * shit happening is an illusion Islam * shit happening is the will of Allah Zen * what is the sound of shit happening? Hinduism * this shit has happened before Catholicism … Continue reading