Top 10 Reasons Why Clint Beham Left Westminster

The Grim Reaper scared him away T1 just wasn’t fast enough Didn’t want to drink the required amount of alcohol for CS majors There’s these pesky things called “classes” that were getting in the way of his mudding He figured he wasn’t ready for college…or college wasn’t ready for him … Continue reading

A love story….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Short Love Story by Garrett Kaminaga Jumper had known Molly Jensen since the moist-eyed days of early youth. Charlie Rickford had teased Jumper about hanging out with girls until Molly beat him up and made him cry in front of Arthur Jones, Jonathan Loo and even Quentin Clarke. … Continue reading

Offensive Chinese Food Menu

Fresh Every 2 7 Days PEE YU PLATTER Clothes Pins Extra HOO FLUNG POO Napkins & Raincoats Provided SUC SUM TIT Children’s Special YUNG POON TANG No Take Out Orders Accepted LUNCHEON SPECIALS SUM YUNG CHICK [$6 99] Different and Delicious WON HUNG LO [$6 99] Chinese Meatballs SUM DUM … Continue reading

a very cool thing to read

Here’s the text of a speech Bill Watterson gave at Kenyon College, Gambier Ohio, to the 1990 graduating class. He says in his speech he was in their shoes 10 years ago, that makes him a 1980 grad, and about 38 yrs old today. Thanks a million to Kenyon College … Continue reading

Sunday School Humor

A Sunday School teacher was teaching the importance of love in the home. She illustrated her point by referring to the commandment, “Honor thy father and thy mother.” She then asked if there was a commandment which taught how to treat sisters and brothers. One little boy from a large … Continue reading

New Teacher Regulations

TO: ALL STAFF FROM: OFFICE OF SUPERINTENDANT RE: TEACHER IN SERVICE TRAINING SCHEDULE (T.I.T.S) In accordance with recent changes in the State Education Law, our district is now required to supply bigger and better T.I.T.S for each employee. We are therefore, pleased to announce the implementation of the Special High … Continue reading

More Stupid American Laws

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke! Alabama It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. California Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to … Continue reading

Actual Newspaper Headlines

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted Drunk gets nine months in violin case Survivor of siamese twins joins parents Farmer Bill dies in house Iraqi head seeks arms Is there a ring … Continue reading

excuses

EXCUSES The following is a collection of “actual excuse notes from parents (including spelling)” from the Office of Educational Assessment at the University of Washington. * My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. * Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She … Continue reading

Laws Of The Internet

First Law: Netlag is the Lowest Common Denominator. Second Law: When you need to be Somewhere, You Can’t Get There. Third Law: The Sysop is Actually a Minion of Evil. Fourth Law: When Sysop is Unavailable, all usually goes Well. Fifth Law: You Will Never Have Enough Quota. Sixth Law: … Continue reading

Urban Legends

The Washington Post had a contest for it’s readers to come up with new Urban Legends (Typical current urban legends would be: There are many aligators living in the sewers of New York City as a result of tourists bringing back pets from Florida that later too large and are … Continue reading

Dear IRS; Take my Children, PLEASE!

This is a real letter by someone at Intel. The IRS sent me a letter last Friday. They audited my return and denied two of my dependent deductions! I thought you might like to read my response which, while more devastating than any militia plot, is a kinder and gentler … Continue reading

Quotes By Women

I feel convinced that a girl would never let herself be brought to the altar, no, she would probably refuse completely, if she knew *everything*… — Queen Victoria I married below my standards – all women do. — Nancy Astor You meet a lot of smart guys with stupid wives, … Continue reading

parenthood

When my parents come to visit, as in these holidays, I get flashbacks of childhood. Like when I was a kid, my mother had pat answers and special quips she dished out over and over. One of my least favorites was “Because I said no.” I remember thinking what an … Continue reading

Catholic School Maths

A young boy was in grade four and was having a terrible time with his mathematics. His parents worked with him night after night but there was no improvement. His math marks were dismal. His parents in desperation decided to transfer their son to a new school. They decided to … Continue reading

Happy Butt

There was this 2nd grade school teacher and on the first day of school she was going over the rules and wanted everyone to introduce themselves. She told them right off, that one thing she would not tolerate in her classroom was profanity or bad language. So she proceded to … Continue reading

letter home

Letter from son at school: Dear Dad, Gue$$ what I need mo$t. That’$ right. $end it $oon. Be$t wi$he$, Jay Reply: Dear Jay, NOthing ever happens here. We kNOw you like school. Write aNOther letter soon. Mom was asking about you at NOon. NOw I have to say good-bye. Dad

Driving Points Chart

Points Bonus Hit n Run Small furry rodent 10 Small mammal 25 Large mammal 75 Bird-any size 15 50 if airborne Small child 100 50 if on trike Large child 150 50 if on bike High School student 200 100 on skateboard College student 300 200 if drunk Anyone on … Continue reading

Universal Grade Change Form

********************************************************************** UNIVERSAL GRADE CHANGE FORM ____________________University To: Professor____________________ From:___________________________ I think my grade in your course,___________________, should be changed from ______ to _______ for the following reasons: ______1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did. ______2. The person whose paper I copied made a … Continue reading

The Top 17 Signs You’re at a Bad Renaissance Festival

The castle and village are made entirely of Legos. Turkey leg bears striking resemblance to Cocker Spaniel leg. Festival activities include “Ye Olde Wet T-Shirt Contest.” Eight minute drum solo in the middle of “Greensleeves.” “Belly up to the bar, me lad, for some grilled mahi-mahi and fresh California Roll!” … Continue reading

White Trash

You’ve spray painted your girlfriend’s name on an overpass. You consider a six-pack and a bug zapper quality entertainment. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. When someone asks to see your I.D. you show your belt buckle. Your Junior and Senior Proms had a day care. Your … Continue reading

play on words

A man is looking for a job. Reading the want ads he notices that the local school district needs a bus driver. He thinks this will be a piece of cake job and heads out to the school bus garage. “We have only one route left open.” says the dispatcher, … Continue reading