All The Ways To Confuse, Annoy, And Screw With Your Roommate – (page 2 of 4)

Dress in drag. Buy Lays potato chips with all your money. Stack the bags in the middle of the room in a pyramid. Eat them whenever your roommate is in the room. For every one you eat, offer your roommate one, each time telling him, “No one can eat just … Continue reading

Gen A Sys

In the beginning, there was chaos and the Universe was without form and void. The Lord looked upon His domain and decided to declare His presence. “I be” he said, then to correct his grammar added “am.” If the Lord had decided to work on irregular verb conjugation first, this … Continue reading

Calories Burned: Forget Jogging and the Stairmaster

A recent report by the Southern California Medical Association pointed out that proper weight control and physical fitness cannot be attained by dieting alone. People who spend most of their day behind a desk face a particular problem in losing weight. Too many of these people fail to realize that … Continue reading

What If Dr. Seuss Did Technical Manual Writing?

Here’s an easy game to play. Here’s an easy thing to say: If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

Smurf; Biological Reproduction and Cultural Development

One of the great mysteries that has puzzled men and women of the current 15-25 year-old generation is the riddle of the smurfs. Where exactly did they come from? How on earth do they reproduce? Where did Papa Smurf come from? Is smucking a real smurf cultural event? Here, after … Continue reading

A Consumer Reports Special: Girlfriends

Well it’s been over 20 years since Consumer Reports reviewed girlfriends (CR, Aug 1972). Since then, styles have changed, new features have been introduced, and the market for girlfriends has changed substantially. So we here at CU decided another report was needed. As in a car or a computer, you … Continue reading

Top 10 things to say or do to annoying co-workers

The next time your co-workers get on your nerves & you have just had it with them, do what I do… Tell them to alphebetize their m&m’s Tell them there is a Moron’s Anonymous meeting at 5 in the middle lane of 101 Leave a wet lollipop on their chair Follow them … Continue reading

Ecumenical Fire

During a recent ecumenical gathering, a secretary rushed in shouting, “The building is on fire!” The METHODISTS gathered in a corner and prayed. The BAPTISTS cried, “Where is the water?” The CHURCH OF CHRIST called a meeting to determine if fire was scriptural. The QUAKERS silently praised God for the … Continue reading

Pizza Intelligence: An Update

Note: OPSEC is short for “Operations Security”, i.e. ensuring a potential enemy cannot determine what you’re about to do. Earlier this year [1991], we reported that Domino’s Pizza claims it can predict when the government is about to undertake some sort of major activity based upon the increase in pizza … Continue reading

101 Ways To Annoy People

As an expert on the art of annoying and irritating others, I have endeavoured to compile a list of methods I have developed, used, or read about, with which to annoy people. Some are very simple, some take preparation, some are very old and some are new. At least 1/4 … Continue reading