The Top 10 ways the NFL is planning to cut down on injuries

Make the field out of foam rubber Coat every player’s body with Teflon so nobody can touch them Give out free vials of crack to all Dallas Cowboys who make it through a game without injury Replace all defensive linemen with Westminster’s professors Replace all offensive linemen with mandrills Make … Continue reading

Top 10 Things You’d Never Hear My Roommate Say

“All I want is a tall glass of milk and all I have is this God-d*mn beer…” “Barry Manilow is one cool mother-f*cker!” “You mind if I turn off Law & Order? There’s a movie on Lifetime I wanna watch…” “My grand-dad finds that offensive.” “Mind if I replace this … Continue reading

Top 10 Bombshells in THE STARR REPORT

In 1986, Al Gore was replaced with an android Monica’s pet name for Clinton’s penis is “Skin Force One” Donna Shalala is actually a bastard daughter of Marge Schott Hillary and Janet Reno are lovers Hidden cameras were planted throughout the Oval Orifice Office by Jerry Springer Monica Lewinsky is … Continue reading

Quotes By Women

I feel convinced that a girl would never let herself be brought to the altar, no, she would probably refuse completely, if she knew *everything*… — Queen Victoria I married below my standards – all women do. — Nancy Astor You meet a lot of smart guys with stupid wives, … Continue reading

Top Ten Uses For A Deceased PC

Even the most devoted computer junkie cannot hold on to a machine forever. When that box on your desktop finally kicks it, don’t despair–there are always a few uses for a dead PC: Remove the fan and use it to keep cool during heat waves. Hard drives with more than … Continue reading

Steven Wright Quotes and One-Liners

Steven Wright: When I was growing up, my parents had a quick-sandbox. I was an only child… eventually. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time. I used to have a dog. I named him … Continue reading

Motorcycles and men

—————————————————————— Reasons Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Men ______________________________________________ A motorcycle can go for more than one ride in an hour. Motorcycles never develop spare tires. Motorcycles last longer. Motorcycles don’t get you pregnant. A motorcycle doesn’t care what time of month it is. Motorcycles don’t have parents. Your motorcycle … Continue reading