100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Life’s Little Truths (Part 5)

First Law of Socio-Genetics: Celibacy is not hereditary. — First Rule of History: History doesn’t repeat itself — historians merely repeat each other. — Flugg’s Law: When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum. — For every … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

Fishheads

Fishheads, Barnes and Barnes 1980 Fishheads fishheads, roly-poly fishheads. Fishheads fishheads, eat them up…YUM! Repeat chorus In the morning, laughing happy fishheads. In the evening, floating in the soup Repeat chorus Ask a fishhead anything you want to. They won’t answer, they can’t talk. Repeat chorus I took a fishhead … Continue reading

50 Fun Things Todo in a Final That Doesn’t Matter

You are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam, so: Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes … Continue reading