A Week In The Life Of A Smoker

(Copied from The New York Times Magazine – Sunday, September 18, 1994) “Quitters Never Win” — By Susan Shapiro, a writer and book critic living in Manhattan. DAY 1: Wake up and put on a nicotine patch to once and for all quit pack-a-day habit. Write list of reasons: Live … Continue reading

Nickel or a Dime

There’s a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Alley’s Grocery Store. I don’t know what Junior’s problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they offer … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Budweiser Method

These three guys are in a bar, having a few beers, and checking out the babes as they enter the establishment. One walks in, rather attractive, and they “discuss” her “rating,” which, of course, is on a 1 to 10 scale. One says, “I’d give her a 7… she’s really … Continue reading

Murphy’s Laws On Work

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants. Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. You can go anywhere you want if … Continue reading

10 Things That Sound Dirty On Halloween

So…What’d you get in the sack? Once you get under the sheet, start moaning and groaning! Just hop on that broomstick and ride it! Those small suckers are gone in a few licks. I got the best piece from that house. Quit screwing around on the porch! Stick your hand … Continue reading

If Dr. Seuss Wrote For Star Trek the Next Generation

If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation… By Dave Fuller Picard: Sigma Indri, that’s the star, So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship can get there very fast But still the trip will last and last We’ll have two days til we arrive But … Continue reading

Amusing Quotes

smile, its the second best thing you can do with your lips sex is like air, its not important unless you aren’t getting any. never take life seriously. nobody gets out alive anyways if vegetable oil is made of vegetables, what is baby oil made of? no guts, no glory, … Continue reading

Communist humor

What’s the difference between the United States and Eastern Eupropean countries? The United States still has a communist party. — >From the New York Times, 11/7/89: Q. Do you know what prizes the communists are now offering for recruiting new party members? A. If you get one new member, you … Continue reading