You Know You’re a Grad Student When…

You just might be a grad student if: you can identify universities by their internet domains. you are constantly looking for a thesis in novels. you have difficulty reading anything that doesn’t have footnotes. you understand jokes about Foucoult. the concept of free time scares you. you consider caffeine to … Continue reading

University Course Evaluation Comments

A friend of mine goes to Brown University. They have a publication there called “The Critical Review.” A section has student comments on a class. Here are some of the more humorous:   Insights from Student Surveys: “He spoke, I had no clue, it was as mutal relationship.” “The book was written … Continue reading

Things not to say or do at your thesis defense (part 3 of 6)

148 THINGS (NOT) TO DO OR SAY AT OR FOR YOUR THESIS DEFENSE Written by Master Peter Dutton contributions by Jim Lalopoulos, Alison Berube, and Jeff Cohen, Patricia Whitson and a few others. 51) Leave Jehovah’s Witness pamphlets scattered about. 52) “There will be a short quiz after my presentation…” … Continue reading

perspective on finals

Math Final The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven years ago in a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000 students) for a Calculus final. Apparently this particular calculus teacher (unlike our beloved professor Bonk) wasn’t very well liked. He was one of those guys who would stand at … Continue reading

Medical School Quotes

These are actual quotes that I heard first-hand last semester. I thought it might be humorous for you to hear a glimpse of the future (and teachers) of medicine. “The way I see it, I don’t know anything.” –med. student “It’s a powerful thing, vomiting.” –med. student “I sound like … Continue reading

this is worth reading

A collection of quotes from Professor Ralph Noble, a professor of psychology at RPI. Specifically, these were taken from his Psychology of Motivation class, Fall semester 1991. – – – “As undergraduates, you realize that cleaning is very cost-ineffective, and why would you bother?” “If you’re salt-deficient, you’ll go lick … Continue reading

A Physicist, An Engineer And A Mathematician Measure A Flagpole

A physicist, an engineer and a mathematician are all standing around the university flagpole when an English professor stops and asks what they’re doing. “Well,” says the physicist, “we want to know the height of the flagpole and are discussing formulas we might use to calculate it.” “Watch,” says the … Continue reading

Academic talk (offensive to professors)

What the professor means By J. Timothy Petersik from the Chronicle of Higher Education Says: You’ll be using one of the leading textbooks in the field. Means: I used it as a grad student. Says: If you follow these few simple rules, you’ll do fine in the course. Means: If … Continue reading

physics

A physics professor was very strict about attendance, and despised tardiness. Every student caught arriving to class late (especially those interrupting his lecture) was quickly reprimanded in front of the whole class. Students were quick to comment on the professor’s genetics. Well, one day a student entered through the front … Continue reading

Seniors vs. Freshmen

College Seniors vs. Freshmen ============================== Freshmen: Are never in bed past noon. Seniors: Are never out of bed before noon. Freshmen: Read the syllabus to find out what classes they can cut. Seniors: Read the syllabus to find out what classes they need to attend. Freshmen: Brings a can of … Continue reading

How to Take Notes

WHEN PROFESSOR MITCHELL SAYS: YOU WRITE: “Probably the greatest quality of the poetry of John Milton, who was born in 1608, is the combination of beauty and power. Few have John Milton–born 1608 excelled him in the use of the English language, or for that matter, in lucidity of verse … Continue reading

assorted

An irate woman once told Churchill, when he was a young man and temporarily sporting a small mustache, “Young man, I like neither your politics nor your mustache.” To which Churchill replied, “Madam, you are not likely to come into contact with either.” – – ———————————————————————— A professor asked a … Continue reading

50 Fun Things Todo in a Final That Doesn’t Matter

You are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam, so: Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes … Continue reading

Why Mozart lost the job

Why Mozart Lost the Job Dear Dean X: I write in response to your suggestion of an appointment to our faculty for a Mr. W. A. Mozart, currently of Vienna, Austria. While the Music Department appreciates your interest, faculty are sensitive about their prerogatives in the selection of new colleagues. … Continue reading